c-rap!! i am flying by myself for the first time tomorrow. i sound like such a kid but i'm really nervous. i already don't like flying because i get air sick and it's just not a pleasant experience. but flying by myself magnifies my worries. gahh this just shows i have a lot to surrender to God.
i am SO super PSYCHED for this week!! going to IHOP is something i wanted to do since last year after hearing about it from joshua and just hearing a little about it from other people we know that serve there. last year i went to missouri too but it was for Urbana. it's funny how i've been going to missouri for all these major conferences. i'm not looking forward to the cold weather although snow is always so pretty to see covering the floor. and i bought new boots for it too [and the rain this past week]. :O)
what i'm looking forward to the most is just having time set apart for the Lord to just sit with Him and be ministered to and spoken to. i really really need to hear from Him. i thought i had an option set for what i could do after graduating but that went away recently so now i am back to square one and have no idea what God wants me to do. therefore, i am really looking forward to seeking Him with TONS of time set apart for that this coming week. i also am excited for the 24/7 worship. how awesome is that?! and i heard they do prophecies too. i am really interested in seeing how that goes. it's funny cause i'm mostly anticipating all of the things IHOP does on a regular basis more than what they have set up specifically for the conference.
sure, it'll be cool to listen to the speakers and meet new people but that's something that is not really a priority to me. i've been planning on going to this since the summer. my dad prepares for these things way in advance and asked me if i wanted to go then. since then, i've been thinking of all the things i am looking forward to and anticipating, while at the same time leaving room for what God has planned for me. or actually, i guess it should be the other way around. totally surrendering everything and just waiting on His timing. i'm just plain excited!!
please pray for me that i will be able to find my terminal gates and everything else on time. i'm only bringing one personal item and a carry-on because check in was too expensive. but i actually was able to fit all my clothes! yay!
secondly, please pray that God will speak to me and really reveal His will for me. i just need a direction.
thanks for reading!
praise God for this awesome opportunity!! :OD
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
my ULTIMATE best friend's birthday!!
since i won't have time tomorrow, i wanted to write this post today.
HAPPY SCINTILLATING BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!! :OD
i hope you are most blessed on this day of Christmas. today is the day to celebrate you and everything God has made you to be. you are His most precious child. I couldn't be more thankful for YOUR birth. you truly have made a difference in everybody in the world's lives. that impact alone is amazing and can't begin to describe your greatness. NO one can match up to you. no one.
I hope people re-center when needed because this day is not about giving or receiving like everyone thinks. it's to celebrate you and God's goodness as well for creating you. i love you Jesus!!!
"'You are my witnesses,' declares the Lord, 'and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that i am he. Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. I, I am the Lord, and besides me there is no savior." Isaiah 43:10-11
AMEN!!
cheers to Christ! <3
HAPPY SCINTILLATING BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!! :OD
i hope you are most blessed on this day of Christmas. today is the day to celebrate you and everything God has made you to be. you are His most precious child. I couldn't be more thankful for YOUR birth. you truly have made a difference in everybody in the world's lives. that impact alone is amazing and can't begin to describe your greatness. NO one can match up to you. no one.
I hope people re-center when needed because this day is not about giving or receiving like everyone thinks. it's to celebrate you and God's goodness as well for creating you. i love you Jesus!!!
"'You are my witnesses,' declares the Lord, 'and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that i am he. Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. I, I am the Lord, and besides me there is no savior." Isaiah 43:10-11
AMEN!!
cheers to Christ! <3
Thursday, December 23, 2010
it's a beautiful thing
to fellowship and worship with brothers and sisters that all share the same purpose and passion!!
whenever i reflect back on Urbana and how we were sent a video message from IHOP of how they were all praying for us and wanted to say hi, i can't help but smile. i just remember seeing all those faces, some people jumping up and down out of excitement, and smiles all around when they were waving hi on the webcam.
it's so precious to know how extensive our spiritual family really is, i absolutely adore big families. the diversity represented is always astounding and so awesome to see how God has gifted us differently.
mini example:some of us FECG kids hung out and couldn't decide on what movie to watch because we all had different tastes. it took forever to decide and we finally all agreed to Star Trek. but it was just interesting how we all are so different!!
tonight, we celebrated the FEC [First Evangelical Church] family. we had a joint praise night. i looooooove how God has placed all of us in SO many different college campuses!!! we range from community colleges to universities and to private schools!! i feel like we are all spread out in so many different places and it's so awesome to reconnect when given the opportunity.
networking is like one of my faaaav things to do. :OD
but tonight was focused on God and giving Him the glory for placing us on the campuses we attend and for providing us with many opportunities, to embrace our calling. it was also a time to meet other people who used to or currently attend the same campus as us but who go to different churches. we wanted to be more connected and bridge gaps. :O) i feel tonight accomplished that goal and was a new beginning to great things.
the prayer time was my favorite where there was a representative for each school and they stood up to pray for their campus. it was really interesting hearing what each campus struggled with and yet what each campus was strengthened by. Dan [our pastor from Glendale] brought up how he and the other pastors noticed there was a negative spirit/power that was dragging each of our schools down in different ways. here are the prayer requests so you can know what to pray for [i can't remember all the campuses so i will only list the ones i remember. oh & some of the prayer requests can apply to all campuses]:
-UC Riverside: pray over the spirit of being underestimated&viewed as not academically prestigious to be broken. pray that clubs will not be the replacement for church for some attendees, pray for the clubs that outreach&evangelize on campus to be able to make an impact and a lasting one where they follow up with the ones they reach/talk to, pray for the freshmen to give Riverside a chance&to find out why God has placed them there&to realize their blessings there, pray for all the Christian clubs to come together and be united, and pray for the ministry that God is starting with the LGBT community.
-UC Irvine: pray over the spirit of feeling one can do it all without relying on God. pray that the campus fellowships [and other ministries such as dance groups] will be able to find common identity with one another through the pursuing of Christ, pray that the students will be motivated to follow Jesus and go out and evangelize, pray that differences will not get in the way of allowing God's work to prevail.
-UC LA: pray over the spirit of prestigious pressure to do well&competitiveness. pray for God to work through the many campus fellowships God has blessed them with, that He would grow and work in the lives of those who attend and those who are reached out to.
-USC: pray over the spirit of rivalry as well and how it's a dark place surrounded by an even darker place [the bad part of LA]. pray for the students there to be able to put God as their number one priority and then school, pray that academic pressure will not overtake the student's lives, pray that the fellowships will be able to reach many lost ones.
-Westmont: pray over the spirit of being stuck in their own little bubble. pray that the students will not be only going to church or chapel because of routine or cause it's the cool thing to do but because they feel called by God, pray that the students will go out of their comfort zones and achieve goals outside of their campus instead of feeling like they are trapped by the campus walls, and pray for all the social justice groups that take place on campus.
-BIOLA: pray over the spirit of attack by the enemy. pray that God would continue to do His work and bless the students who attend to obtain growth, knowledge, and experience.
-Wellesley: pray over the spirit of feminism and the pure goal of success. pray for the girls who attend [since it's an all girls school] to be able to find their identity in Christ instead of other things, pray for the women who feel lonely to find a partner in Jesus, and pray for the women to not solely pursue female success in the workplace and society but to remember or discover who they should be pursuing first.
-all the community colleges: pray over the spirit of feelings of rejection or underachievement. pray for the students to continue to strive for high goals&to not feel inadequate, pray for the students who have scheduling conflicts so its hard for them to get connected with a fellowship, and pray for the students who do have a church to invest in getting involved with their church especially if they do not have the opportunity of joining a campus fellowship, and pray for all the people who preach without love and misrepresent God on campus [the hate preachers].
i know i missed other campuses but those are just a few of the many campuses we cover!! God is so AWESOME and He really is worthy of ALL our praise. thanks for your prayers :O]
whenever i reflect back on Urbana and how we were sent a video message from IHOP of how they were all praying for us and wanted to say hi, i can't help but smile. i just remember seeing all those faces, some people jumping up and down out of excitement, and smiles all around when they were waving hi on the webcam.
it's so precious to know how extensive our spiritual family really is, i absolutely adore big families. the diversity represented is always astounding and so awesome to see how God has gifted us differently.
mini example:some of us FECG kids hung out and couldn't decide on what movie to watch because we all had different tastes. it took forever to decide and we finally all agreed to Star Trek. but it was just interesting how we all are so different!!
tonight, we celebrated the FEC [First Evangelical Church] family. we had a joint praise night. i looooooove how God has placed all of us in SO many different college campuses!!! we range from community colleges to universities and to private schools!! i feel like we are all spread out in so many different places and it's so awesome to reconnect when given the opportunity.
networking is like one of my faaaav things to do. :OD
but tonight was focused on God and giving Him the glory for placing us on the campuses we attend and for providing us with many opportunities, to embrace our calling. it was also a time to meet other people who used to or currently attend the same campus as us but who go to different churches. we wanted to be more connected and bridge gaps. :O) i feel tonight accomplished that goal and was a new beginning to great things.
the prayer time was my favorite where there was a representative for each school and they stood up to pray for their campus. it was really interesting hearing what each campus struggled with and yet what each campus was strengthened by. Dan [our pastor from Glendale] brought up how he and the other pastors noticed there was a negative spirit/power that was dragging each of our schools down in different ways. here are the prayer requests so you can know what to pray for [i can't remember all the campuses so i will only list the ones i remember. oh & some of the prayer requests can apply to all campuses]:
-UC Riverside: pray over the spirit of being underestimated&viewed as not academically prestigious to be broken. pray that clubs will not be the replacement for church for some attendees, pray for the clubs that outreach&evangelize on campus to be able to make an impact and a lasting one where they follow up with the ones they reach/talk to, pray for the freshmen to give Riverside a chance&to find out why God has placed them there&to realize their blessings there, pray for all the Christian clubs to come together and be united, and pray for the ministry that God is starting with the LGBT community.
-UC Irvine: pray over the spirit of feeling one can do it all without relying on God. pray that the campus fellowships [and other ministries such as dance groups] will be able to find common identity with one another through the pursuing of Christ, pray that the students will be motivated to follow Jesus and go out and evangelize, pray that differences will not get in the way of allowing God's work to prevail.
-UC LA: pray over the spirit of prestigious pressure to do well&competitiveness. pray for God to work through the many campus fellowships God has blessed them with, that He would grow and work in the lives of those who attend and those who are reached out to.
-USC: pray over the spirit of rivalry as well and how it's a dark place surrounded by an even darker place [the bad part of LA]. pray for the students there to be able to put God as their number one priority and then school, pray that academic pressure will not overtake the student's lives, pray that the fellowships will be able to reach many lost ones.
-Westmont: pray over the spirit of being stuck in their own little bubble. pray that the students will not be only going to church or chapel because of routine or cause it's the cool thing to do but because they feel called by God, pray that the students will go out of their comfort zones and achieve goals outside of their campus instead of feeling like they are trapped by the campus walls, and pray for all the social justice groups that take place on campus.
-BIOLA: pray over the spirit of attack by the enemy. pray that God would continue to do His work and bless the students who attend to obtain growth, knowledge, and experience.
-Wellesley: pray over the spirit of feminism and the pure goal of success. pray for the girls who attend [since it's an all girls school] to be able to find their identity in Christ instead of other things, pray for the women who feel lonely to find a partner in Jesus, and pray for the women to not solely pursue female success in the workplace and society but to remember or discover who they should be pursuing first.
-all the community colleges: pray over the spirit of feelings of rejection or underachievement. pray for the students to continue to strive for high goals&to not feel inadequate, pray for the students who have scheduling conflicts so its hard for them to get connected with a fellowship, and pray for the students who do have a church to invest in getting involved with their church especially if they do not have the opportunity of joining a campus fellowship, and pray for all the people who preach without love and misrepresent God on campus [the hate preachers].
i know i missed other campuses but those are just a few of the many campuses we cover!! God is so AWESOME and He really is worthy of ALL our praise. thanks for your prayers :O]
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
the rain cannot ruin all my plans
today was such a FUN and blessed day. really.
plans do not always go according to their original intent but they always have an outcome.
-woke up and spent some time with the King of the universe [how much more awesome could that get??]
-told instead of asked my dad that i was going to irvine with josiah [and actually got away with it! but he was still mad.]
-got to irvine safely. thank God for GPS's and google maps
-ate lunch with my chobro and he gave me this awesome trench coat!! and paid for my lunch too...sucha good brother!!
-arrived at diamond jamboree early and on time so while waiting for the others, i people watched. it was really interesting seeing what people wore in the rain and just watching people. this one couple made me laugh cause the guy was waving his hand over his girlfriend's head as if that were going to prevent rain from getting on her. but i thought it was sweet he tried.
then, i saw this mother put the umbrella in the father's hand while he was holding the daughter and then the wife grabbed on to her husband's sweater and together they stayed dry under the umbrella. it was cute.
-ate at BCD tofu house with some UCR epic people and then received a call from josiah. he pointed out that the waiter wasn't understanding me that i had just talked to and then told me to turn around and low and behold, he was there!! it was funny cause i drove him to irvine but we split ways and we ended up at the same place -_- he said he heard my laugh and that's how he found out i was there too. aha.
the guys said he looked like me. that's a first. i don't think so
-we all planned to go to ryan's to watch Inception but the rain ruined this part and the fact that mel's flight was cancelled also gave less motivation to stick together so a lot of people parted ways. i didn't want to come to irvine though for a short time and still wanted to hang out so went to South Coast Plaza with josiah, joel, and aaron. had fun looking at the rich stores ahah. also ran into allyson and anthony! that was so random yet cool!! then had an adventure walking back to the car [joel is so bad with directions its hilarious]. and i misguided us twice, woohoo! mwahaha
-drove back and was a little frightened cause the shine on the asphalt from the rain makes it REALLY hard to see the lane lines. and i had to drive near trucks too so it was extra scary but God graciously got us back and not too much traffic.
-had a delightful conversation with randy's little bro. he's SO cute.
-can't wait for IHOP!!!! ahhhhhh!!! i need/desire those endless hours of prayer and worship and reflection. i am SO eagerly anticipating it!!
-got to finally hang out with highschool friends and saw ones i haven't seen in years!! it was really fun. we played disney's apples to apples. i suck at being persuasive :O(
-i don't know, driving back in the heavy rain was kind of fun because it was short distance and blasting Christmas music just made it all the more fun. i also didn't mind the rain as much because i recently bought awesome rain boots that are like a mix between ugg and rain boots. they're so unique, i love it!!
anywho, more fun to come tomorrow :O] i feel so spoiled by God!! even though i was suuuuper disappointed about not getting to welcome mel back and surprise her, it was still a fun day and hanging out with the epic people is always fun. i learned more about them today and know what to pray more for them about :O)
God's plans are the best!
sometimes, i can't help but feel like a little kid. or i mean act like one. i'm just really easy to please and get excited about simple things. :Op and the fact that i always write incomplete sentences, or sound like a kid, i can't help it!! i feel like my mind will always be like this and i will always process things the way i do. it's just how God made me.
plans do not always go according to their original intent but they always have an outcome.
-woke up and spent some time with the King of the universe [how much more awesome could that get??]
-told instead of asked my dad that i was going to irvine with josiah [and actually got away with it! but he was still mad.]
-got to irvine safely. thank God for GPS's and google maps
-ate lunch with my chobro and he gave me this awesome trench coat!! and paid for my lunch too...sucha good brother!!
-arrived at diamond jamboree early and on time so while waiting for the others, i people watched. it was really interesting seeing what people wore in the rain and just watching people. this one couple made me laugh cause the guy was waving his hand over his girlfriend's head as if that were going to prevent rain from getting on her. but i thought it was sweet he tried.
then, i saw this mother put the umbrella in the father's hand while he was holding the daughter and then the wife grabbed on to her husband's sweater and together they stayed dry under the umbrella. it was cute.
-ate at BCD tofu house with some UCR epic people and then received a call from josiah. he pointed out that the waiter wasn't understanding me that i had just talked to and then told me to turn around and low and behold, he was there!! it was funny cause i drove him to irvine but we split ways and we ended up at the same place -_- he said he heard my laugh and that's how he found out i was there too. aha.
the guys said he looked like me. that's a first. i don't think so
-we all planned to go to ryan's to watch Inception but the rain ruined this part and the fact that mel's flight was cancelled also gave less motivation to stick together so a lot of people parted ways. i didn't want to come to irvine though for a short time and still wanted to hang out so went to South Coast Plaza with josiah, joel, and aaron. had fun looking at the rich stores ahah. also ran into allyson and anthony! that was so random yet cool!! then had an adventure walking back to the car [joel is so bad with directions its hilarious]. and i misguided us twice, woohoo! mwahaha
-drove back and was a little frightened cause the shine on the asphalt from the rain makes it REALLY hard to see the lane lines. and i had to drive near trucks too so it was extra scary but God graciously got us back and not too much traffic.
-had a delightful conversation with randy's little bro. he's SO cute.
-can't wait for IHOP!!!! ahhhhhh!!! i need/desire those endless hours of prayer and worship and reflection. i am SO eagerly anticipating it!!
-got to finally hang out with highschool friends and saw ones i haven't seen in years!! it was really fun. we played disney's apples to apples. i suck at being persuasive :O(
-i don't know, driving back in the heavy rain was kind of fun because it was short distance and blasting Christmas music just made it all the more fun. i also didn't mind the rain as much because i recently bought awesome rain boots that are like a mix between ugg and rain boots. they're so unique, i love it!!
anywho, more fun to come tomorrow :O] i feel so spoiled by God!! even though i was suuuuper disappointed about not getting to welcome mel back and surprise her, it was still a fun day and hanging out with the epic people is always fun. i learned more about them today and know what to pray more for them about :O)
God's plans are the best!
sometimes, i can't help but feel like a little kid. or i mean act like one. i'm just really easy to please and get excited about simple things. :Op and the fact that i always write incomplete sentences, or sound like a kid, i can't help it!! i feel like my mind will always be like this and i will always process things the way i do. it's just how God made me.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Winter Break Thus Far....
phew! this week went by quick and was super fun! yet, there was a huge lack in sleep and i paid for it cause now i'm sick :O(
Monday- drove to Cz's and picked up her, chi, and amanda and off we were to Disneyland!! We brought a wheelchair with us cause Chi has knee problems if she walks a lot and that wheelchair was amazing and allowed us to get in front of several lines!! it also saved me from walking a lot too when chi let me ride in it :O) elecTRONica at California had AWESOME/poppin' techno music!!
made sure to ride indiana jones!
Tuesday- woke up at 7:20am to move my car from the market. freaking alhambra's parking rules!!
watched Tangled with Cz, reina, chi, amanda, and brian. it was really good and HILARIOUS and cute!! loooved the lantern scene. so gorgeous. then Cz and i went Christmas shopping for a little at the Arcadia mall. later on, we went to Eugene's choir concert at Pasadena Highschool and then stopped off to look at the Christmas lights draped around HUGE trees in San Marino.
Wednesday- woke up at 7:20am again to move my car from the market. freaking alhambra's parking rules!!
back to Disneyland and this time with a bigger group-there was 10 of us. Angeline graciously drove and so i was able to give it a rest. Brought the wheelchair again, was very useful. Met up with some r'side and usc friends. watched World of Color again and the Tron part at the end was amazing!
made sure to ride indiana jones again!
Thursday- woke up at 7:20am for almost the last time to move my car from the market. freaking alhambra's parking rules!!
last Disneyland trip before blocked out dates :O( we went late cause we waited for Crystal to get out of school [ah to be in highschool again. NOT!!] and had to run some errands. TRAFFIC WAS HORRENDOUS. have never had to sit in such traffic for such a long time. i was SO restless and getting sleepy and sooo irritated from the stopping and going.
got to disneyland when it was dark. ate DELICIOUS spicy clam chowder for dinner with some benets [i don't know how to spell it] for dessert. then we watched the fireworks. met up with some r'side and usc people again. ended the day with Matterhorn which was a BLAST!
made sure to ride indiana jones for the last time of the year! my FAV ride!!
Friday- woke up at 7:20am for the last time of the week to move my car from the market. freaking alhambra's parking rules!! i think that is what got me sick. started having a sore throat on wednesday. drove to kady's house and played with doggie [love that one-eyed pooch] and then we picked up nubi and ate at the 101 Noodle Express place with the delicious beef rolls for lunch [mike joined us]. i tried chinese cheese cake for the first time and it was delicious like sarah lee poundcake. we also went to get boba with mike and then split. all that liquid had me and nubi ready to explode and needing to pee extremely badly!!! then after dropping nubi off at her casa, kady and i hit the freeway for a 2.5 hour traffic ride [curse traffic] to irvine to meet up with our hallmates from freshmen year! went to Dave and Busters for the first time [finally!] and had fun almost like the old times and relived some freshman year memories. on the rainy ride back, had a good talk with kady. made it safely back home. awesomely fun week of winter break!!
and the best part yet, more to come!! :O]
thank you, God.
Monday- drove to Cz's and picked up her, chi, and amanda and off we were to Disneyland!! We brought a wheelchair with us cause Chi has knee problems if she walks a lot and that wheelchair was amazing and allowed us to get in front of several lines!! it also saved me from walking a lot too when chi let me ride in it :O) elecTRONica at California had AWESOME/poppin' techno music!!
made sure to ride indiana jones!
Tuesday- woke up at 7:20am to move my car from the market. freaking alhambra's parking rules!!
watched Tangled with Cz, reina, chi, amanda, and brian. it was really good and HILARIOUS and cute!! loooved the lantern scene. so gorgeous. then Cz and i went Christmas shopping for a little at the Arcadia mall. later on, we went to Eugene's choir concert at Pasadena Highschool and then stopped off to look at the Christmas lights draped around HUGE trees in San Marino.
Wednesday- woke up at 7:20am again to move my car from the market. freaking alhambra's parking rules!!
back to Disneyland and this time with a bigger group-there was 10 of us. Angeline graciously drove and so i was able to give it a rest. Brought the wheelchair again, was very useful. Met up with some r'side and usc friends. watched World of Color again and the Tron part at the end was amazing!
made sure to ride indiana jones again!
Thursday- woke up at 7:20am for almost the last time to move my car from the market. freaking alhambra's parking rules!!
last Disneyland trip before blocked out dates :O( we went late cause we waited for Crystal to get out of school [ah to be in highschool again. NOT!!] and had to run some errands. TRAFFIC WAS HORRENDOUS. have never had to sit in such traffic for such a long time. i was SO restless and getting sleepy and sooo irritated from the stopping and going.
got to disneyland when it was dark. ate DELICIOUS spicy clam chowder for dinner with some benets [i don't know how to spell it] for dessert. then we watched the fireworks. met up with some r'side and usc people again. ended the day with Matterhorn which was a BLAST!
made sure to ride indiana jones for the last time of the year! my FAV ride!!
Friday- woke up at 7:20am for the last time of the week to move my car from the market. freaking alhambra's parking rules!! i think that is what got me sick. started having a sore throat on wednesday. drove to kady's house and played with doggie [love that one-eyed pooch] and then we picked up nubi and ate at the 101 Noodle Express place with the delicious beef rolls for lunch [mike joined us]. i tried chinese cheese cake for the first time and it was delicious like sarah lee poundcake. we also went to get boba with mike and then split. all that liquid had me and nubi ready to explode and needing to pee extremely badly!!! then after dropping nubi off at her casa, kady and i hit the freeway for a 2.5 hour traffic ride [curse traffic] to irvine to meet up with our hallmates from freshmen year! went to Dave and Busters for the first time [finally!] and had fun almost like the old times and relived some freshman year memories. on the rainy ride back, had a good talk with kady. made it safely back home. awesomely fun week of winter break!!
and the best part yet, more to come!! :O]
thank you, God.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
oh me, oh my!
this past week sure has been a STRESSFUL week...finals, giving out Christmas cards and presents before everyone leaves for break, car problems, getting barely any sleep&sometimes sleeping in increments, and much more!
finals went BOOM and then BAM for me. i had 2 on the friday before finals week and i found out that week so i was suuuper stressed that week cause i had a paper also due that week. i preferred to have my finals on finals week so i could have more time to study but that didn't happen so i made do with what i had to work with.
then on finals week, i had one final on tuesday and spent the WHOLE monday at Starbucks studying. i had never done that before and stayed a whole day there. it was gross. i was tired of sitting, super restless, and forgot to take study breaks so that made everything worse. it was horrible. so much went on that day, i was studying, dropped people off&picked people up, had an argument with one of the parentals over car problems i was having, and drama with a friend and then as i was driving back, my car was so unsteady&made a very cringing noise and i knew i could not drive it anymore. so this ALL happened on monday.
after finals, i still had not caught up with sleep and my body needs sleep or i literally cannot function. i ended up staying up late the day after finals cause i was w/one of my roomies while she studied at a friend's and then i had to get up early the next day to meet with someone. after that, i also went to Disneyland with Lori that day so i was SUPER exhausted at the end. but it was fun and so many people [those who were still studying&in finals] were bitter at us ahah.
i had also planned to play santa and drop off gifts&cards the next day. so it took a lot of work contacting people and matching schedules to see when i can drop off stuff to save gas. and i had to stay up late finishing cards to be able to drop them off before people went home!! i was SOOO tired :Op
the next day, thursday, i had previously planned to make Spam Masubi for my roomies and others because i finished finals and wanted to cook for them. well, making Spam Masubi takes a long time [but is worth it. and it's the ONLY thing i can make that turns out good/tasty aha]. and i was kinda frazzled not having all the ingredients but was blessed by friends who had substitutes!!
then, after that, i finally was able to get my car looked at with some awesome friends [Randy, Grace, and Annie] and we had quite the journey on the way to the mechanics [my car was so scary!!] and quite an annoying journey on the way back when my car had a piece loose and it scraped against the cement causing cars and people to stare at us.
as soon as we got back to the apartment, grace and i and others had to scramble to go babysit the three Hino kids [who are SUPER adorable by the way]!! it was so much fun and the house was gorgeous and all decked out in Christmas decorations. we got fed a yummy dinner and took back home delicious mint cookies and a movie ticket :O] the Hinos are so nice!!
Friday, had to wake up SUPER early at 7amish cause my dad was coming to look at the van. we drove to 3 diff mechanics and finally got it fixed at the 3rd one. i still had not caught up with sleep and took a nap when i got back but didn't get to nap long cause i needed to drop off more Christmas cards and had to pack for winter break!!
packing took me, no joke, about two and a half hours. i know, i've turned into sucha princess :Op not proud of it and packing has always taken me forever cause i never want to forget stuff and want to plan everything out! but sheesh it took forever folding clothes and going over lists. oh my lists, i love you. :O) Brian Lee knows how much i appreciate my lists! ahaha.
THEN, to end the night, it was the negative highlight of my stressful week cause i wanted to see the Mission Inn Christmas lights with my roomies and other friends for the last time since i'm graduating soon and i had to be home in an hour. i decided to go, took 2 friends with me in the process, and drive there&then leave from there to home [idea also convinced by friends who shall remain anonymous]. BAD IDEA because we totally forgot to factor in how crowded it would be and all the traffic and by the time i found some parking, i had to leave or i wouldn't make curfew! so i basically drove there to drop off my 2 friends. i guess that made it worth while and i got to see some lights. but MAN THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL driving through&around mission inn with horse carriages and cars coming from all over and streets being blocked. my stupid gps also told me to go the opposite way back to the freeway and so i decided to forget it and follow my instincts which actually took me to the right freeway! sometimes gps-es suck and do the opposite of their job!!!!
if that wasn't stressful enough, i started to feel sleepy when driving back&just felt physically exhausted. and when i got home, i had gotten into an argument with the other parental. i was angry, stressed, tired, and plain MAD at all the events that had taken place that day that caused me so much stress.
today, or saturday, to end my stressful week, i babysat again for my church's mandarin congregation and there were 14 kids that showed up. there was me and one other babysitter [2 parents stayed though]. now, these kids are not normal and well behaved and a LOT of them are SUPER rowdy, jam-packed-with-energy, disobedient/rebellious, and have soooo much attitude!!! now, of course there are some good things about them like they're cute, they can entertain themselves sometimes, and they're funny. but man, we [me and crystal] babysat them for 6 hours and were exhausted from running around [they kept begging us to play tag with them], coming up with ideas for them to do stuff cause they were so bored all the time, having to watch all of them cause they liked to go places without telling us, and just stuff like that. oh man, i don't know how parents do it. i seriously get WIPED OUT every time i babysit a kid.
in the end, we got paid and i felt bad but at the same time, i am really needing money so i decided to receive their gift :O)
amidst all the chaos, stress, frustration, and hopelessness, God has shown Himself to be my continuous provider, my Father who will always love me, my God who always gives grace when we totally don't deserve it, and my friend who will always be there for me.
here are some blessings of the week [i always have to add in positive! writing out my negatives help me focus even more on how great God is amidst chaos!!]:
-success in passing out Christmas gifts&cards
-going to Disneyland with loribean
-having a free-er week since i ended finals early
-God always provides me with a car when i need one [marissa generously allowed me to use her car when i needed to give out cards and my car was broken]
-excessive bonding time with roomies that included studying and pigging out tremendously. i LOVE them!!
-getting to play with adorable kids and get good laughs out of the silly things they do
-eating a ton of YUMMY junk food [this can probably be argument-able for something positive]
-getting to see a lot of friends before winter break
-finding out others are going to IHOP as well!!
-finding out our [UCR's] attendance at Epic conference this year is going to grow again!! God is so good&amazing!!
-getting to bless friends with my cooking. something i always want to do but never have the opportunity. thank God for spam masubi :O)
-getting my car fixed. i was tremendously in despair when thinking how things would be if i didn't have a car. it's SUCH a blessing and necessity for ministry and everything else
-giving out gifts&watching the reactions, receiving Christmas gifts
-seeing the beeeauutiful yellow trees all around
-the nap times i got and 2 days where i kind of got to sleep in
i could go on and on but you get the point. there are ALWAYS things to be thankful for that God blesses us with. our Lord is good and i couldn't be more grateful for what He's been doing in my life. i learn a lot about myself when i get stressed. :Op
please don't forget to look to Christ this CHRISTmas. ;O]
finals went BOOM and then BAM for me. i had 2 on the friday before finals week and i found out that week so i was suuuper stressed that week cause i had a paper also due that week. i preferred to have my finals on finals week so i could have more time to study but that didn't happen so i made do with what i had to work with.
then on finals week, i had one final on tuesday and spent the WHOLE monday at Starbucks studying. i had never done that before and stayed a whole day there. it was gross. i was tired of sitting, super restless, and forgot to take study breaks so that made everything worse. it was horrible. so much went on that day, i was studying, dropped people off&picked people up, had an argument with one of the parentals over car problems i was having, and drama with a friend and then as i was driving back, my car was so unsteady&made a very cringing noise and i knew i could not drive it anymore. so this ALL happened on monday.
after finals, i still had not caught up with sleep and my body needs sleep or i literally cannot function. i ended up staying up late the day after finals cause i was w/one of my roomies while she studied at a friend's and then i had to get up early the next day to meet with someone. after that, i also went to Disneyland with Lori that day so i was SUPER exhausted at the end. but it was fun and so many people [those who were still studying&in finals] were bitter at us ahah.
i had also planned to play santa and drop off gifts&cards the next day. so it took a lot of work contacting people and matching schedules to see when i can drop off stuff to save gas. and i had to stay up late finishing cards to be able to drop them off before people went home!! i was SOOO tired :Op
the next day, thursday, i had previously planned to make Spam Masubi for my roomies and others because i finished finals and wanted to cook for them. well, making Spam Masubi takes a long time [but is worth it. and it's the ONLY thing i can make that turns out good/tasty aha]. and i was kinda frazzled not having all the ingredients but was blessed by friends who had substitutes!!
then, after that, i finally was able to get my car looked at with some awesome friends [Randy, Grace, and Annie] and we had quite the journey on the way to the mechanics [my car was so scary!!] and quite an annoying journey on the way back when my car had a piece loose and it scraped against the cement causing cars and people to stare at us.
as soon as we got back to the apartment, grace and i and others had to scramble to go babysit the three Hino kids [who are SUPER adorable by the way]!! it was so much fun and the house was gorgeous and all decked out in Christmas decorations. we got fed a yummy dinner and took back home delicious mint cookies and a movie ticket :O] the Hinos are so nice!!
Friday, had to wake up SUPER early at 7amish cause my dad was coming to look at the van. we drove to 3 diff mechanics and finally got it fixed at the 3rd one. i still had not caught up with sleep and took a nap when i got back but didn't get to nap long cause i needed to drop off more Christmas cards and had to pack for winter break!!
packing took me, no joke, about two and a half hours. i know, i've turned into sucha princess :Op not proud of it and packing has always taken me forever cause i never want to forget stuff and want to plan everything out! but sheesh it took forever folding clothes and going over lists. oh my lists, i love you. :O) Brian Lee knows how much i appreciate my lists! ahaha.
THEN, to end the night, it was the negative highlight of my stressful week cause i wanted to see the Mission Inn Christmas lights with my roomies and other friends for the last time since i'm graduating soon and i had to be home in an hour. i decided to go, took 2 friends with me in the process, and drive there&then leave from there to home [idea also convinced by friends who shall remain anonymous]. BAD IDEA because we totally forgot to factor in how crowded it would be and all the traffic and by the time i found some parking, i had to leave or i wouldn't make curfew! so i basically drove there to drop off my 2 friends. i guess that made it worth while and i got to see some lights. but MAN THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL driving through&around mission inn with horse carriages and cars coming from all over and streets being blocked. my stupid gps also told me to go the opposite way back to the freeway and so i decided to forget it and follow my instincts which actually took me to the right freeway! sometimes gps-es suck and do the opposite of their job!!!!
if that wasn't stressful enough, i started to feel sleepy when driving back&just felt physically exhausted. and when i got home, i had gotten into an argument with the other parental. i was angry, stressed, tired, and plain MAD at all the events that had taken place that day that caused me so much stress.
today, or saturday, to end my stressful week, i babysat again for my church's mandarin congregation and there were 14 kids that showed up. there was me and one other babysitter [2 parents stayed though]. now, these kids are not normal and well behaved and a LOT of them are SUPER rowdy, jam-packed-with-energy, disobedient/rebellious, and have soooo much attitude!!! now, of course there are some good things about them like they're cute, they can entertain themselves sometimes, and they're funny. but man, we [me and crystal] babysat them for 6 hours and were exhausted from running around [they kept begging us to play tag with them], coming up with ideas for them to do stuff cause they were so bored all the time, having to watch all of them cause they liked to go places without telling us, and just stuff like that. oh man, i don't know how parents do it. i seriously get WIPED OUT every time i babysit a kid.
in the end, we got paid and i felt bad but at the same time, i am really needing money so i decided to receive their gift :O)
amidst all the chaos, stress, frustration, and hopelessness, God has shown Himself to be my continuous provider, my Father who will always love me, my God who always gives grace when we totally don't deserve it, and my friend who will always be there for me.
here are some blessings of the week [i always have to add in positive! writing out my negatives help me focus even more on how great God is amidst chaos!!]:
-success in passing out Christmas gifts&cards
-going to Disneyland with loribean
-having a free-er week since i ended finals early
-God always provides me with a car when i need one [marissa generously allowed me to use her car when i needed to give out cards and my car was broken]
-excessive bonding time with roomies that included studying and pigging out tremendously. i LOVE them!!
-getting to play with adorable kids and get good laughs out of the silly things they do
-eating a ton of YUMMY junk food [this can probably be argument-able for something positive]
-getting to see a lot of friends before winter break
-finding out others are going to IHOP as well!!
-finding out our [UCR's] attendance at Epic conference this year is going to grow again!! God is so good&amazing!!
-getting to bless friends with my cooking. something i always want to do but never have the opportunity. thank God for spam masubi :O)
-getting my car fixed. i was tremendously in despair when thinking how things would be if i didn't have a car. it's SUCH a blessing and necessity for ministry and everything else
-giving out gifts&watching the reactions, receiving Christmas gifts
-seeing the beeeauutiful yellow trees all around
-the nap times i got and 2 days where i kind of got to sleep in
i could go on and on but you get the point. there are ALWAYS things to be thankful for that God blesses us with. our Lord is good and i couldn't be more grateful for what He's been doing in my life. i learn a lot about myself when i get stressed. :Op
please don't forget to look to Christ this CHRISTmas. ;O]
Friday, November 26, 2010
it's been awhile
those words seem to be echoed a lot recently. especially this quarter!! this year has been keeping me on my toes!!
a few weeks ago, i was going through something that i couldn't even understand. it was difficult, affecting my walk, and affecting how i related with others. i couldn't understand or process it no matter how hard i tried. and i didn't have much time to figure it out either. it seems i always get pushed to my limit and then i explode and everything comes out at once. it's almost as if that's what it takes for me to be real with people. and i'm sick of that.
it's something i've been working on. not putting on a facade and it's the hardest thing. and it's not even that much pride more than not knowing how to show when i'm not doing okay. i'm so used to having that expectation to always be that joyful person everyone perceives me as which i genuinely am but only 95% of the time. or maybe less than that because i'm becoming more exhausted.
i don't know.
anywho, hilary was texting verses to people and this one really spoke to me "...Spirit helps us in our weakness. We don't know what we ought to pray for but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26
Romans is such an awesome book! Paul has SO MUCH knowledge! i really wish i could be mentored by him or...er a female version of him :Op He knows so much about God's grace and love and he doesn't take it for granted! it would be awesome to have things put into perspective by him of my life.
anywho, despite the troubled times i always am blessed with fun times. I drove to my beloved city Irvine for the first time!! and i went twice in one day. once to get my parents and the second to attend a wedding reception. Irvine's so nice, the speed limits are fast, and there's so much to do and so many people to see! i think by the time this week is up, i will have gone to irvine 4 different times in 2 weeks. :O] went there earlier this week cause i didn't have class and then going again for a funeral.
going to irvine is always anticipated by me because i always have such a blessed time there. when ryan and i used to visit uci's epic, they would always greet us with the warmest&surprised&excited greetings, we would get to eat yummy food that you cant' get anywhere else [or at least not in r'side], and the weather would be breezy-er. i could continue on but those are the main reasons why i always liked irvine and wanted to go there.
getting to revisit irvine was a blessing again because i got to meet with some friends and i was able to process some stuff and receive encouragement. i love the people there!! <3333
Thanksgiving Break recap:
-had a pre-thanksgiving dinner with Loribean's family and that was super sweet of her parents to do that
-thanksgiving service in the morning at church, dinner at the cousin's in tustin, and black friday shopping
-good to see church friends faces that i haven't in awhile
-good to see family and relatives that i haven't seen in awhile but have been keeping in touch with
and more to come cause break isn't over!! :O]
some main things i am THANKFUL FOR:
~God's never-ending love and grace
~family, no matter how many problems i have with them :Op
~Epic: -my fellow co-leaders and staff
-our wonderful servant team that has been very patient with us&supportive&understanding&helpful!!
-all the lessons i learn and have grown because of
~AACF: -my lovely and beautiful roomies with golden hearts
-supportive friends who i can still identify with even when we're in different clubs
-the feeding i receive from the worship and messages
~LGBT ministry, it's starting to kick off finally :O)
~Church, i always find home when i come back even when i've been gone for awhile. i love reconnecting with my brothers and sisters in Christ!!
and i could drone on and on but those are the main ones. i'm probably forgetting stuff. anywho, Praise the Lord for His goodness!!
a few weeks ago, i was going through something that i couldn't even understand. it was difficult, affecting my walk, and affecting how i related with others. i couldn't understand or process it no matter how hard i tried. and i didn't have much time to figure it out either. it seems i always get pushed to my limit and then i explode and everything comes out at once. it's almost as if that's what it takes for me to be real with people. and i'm sick of that.
it's something i've been working on. not putting on a facade and it's the hardest thing. and it's not even that much pride more than not knowing how to show when i'm not doing okay. i'm so used to having that expectation to always be that joyful person everyone perceives me as which i genuinely am but only 95% of the time. or maybe less than that because i'm becoming more exhausted.
i don't know.
anywho, hilary was texting verses to people and this one really spoke to me "...Spirit helps us in our weakness. We don't know what we ought to pray for but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26
Romans is such an awesome book! Paul has SO MUCH knowledge! i really wish i could be mentored by him or...er a female version of him :Op He knows so much about God's grace and love and he doesn't take it for granted! it would be awesome to have things put into perspective by him of my life.
anywho, despite the troubled times i always am blessed with fun times. I drove to my beloved city Irvine for the first time!! and i went twice in one day. once to get my parents and the second to attend a wedding reception. Irvine's so nice, the speed limits are fast, and there's so much to do and so many people to see! i think by the time this week is up, i will have gone to irvine 4 different times in 2 weeks. :O] went there earlier this week cause i didn't have class and then going again for a funeral.
going to irvine is always anticipated by me because i always have such a blessed time there. when ryan and i used to visit uci's epic, they would always greet us with the warmest&surprised&excited greetings, we would get to eat yummy food that you cant' get anywhere else [or at least not in r'side], and the weather would be breezy-er. i could continue on but those are the main reasons why i always liked irvine and wanted to go there.
getting to revisit irvine was a blessing again because i got to meet with some friends and i was able to process some stuff and receive encouragement. i love the people there!! <3333
Thanksgiving Break recap:
-had a pre-thanksgiving dinner with Loribean's family and that was super sweet of her parents to do that
-thanksgiving service in the morning at church, dinner at the cousin's in tustin, and black friday shopping
-good to see church friends faces that i haven't in awhile
-good to see family and relatives that i haven't seen in awhile but have been keeping in touch with
and more to come cause break isn't over!! :O]
some main things i am THANKFUL FOR:
~God's never-ending love and grace
~family, no matter how many problems i have with them :Op
~Epic: -my fellow co-leaders and staff
-our wonderful servant team that has been very patient with us&supportive&understanding&helpful!!
-all the lessons i learn and have grown because of
~AACF: -my lovely and beautiful roomies with golden hearts
-supportive friends who i can still identify with even when we're in different clubs
-the feeding i receive from the worship and messages
~LGBT ministry, it's starting to kick off finally :O)
~Church, i always find home when i come back even when i've been gone for awhile. i love reconnecting with my brothers and sisters in Christ!!
and i could drone on and on but those are the main ones. i'm probably forgetting stuff. anywho, Praise the Lord for His goodness!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
prayer, the thing most people fear
ok, maybe it's not the thing most people fear. but a lot of people sure do turn down the opportunity when asked to do so in front of groups.
for me, recently i've realized i often avoid prayer because i have trouble verbally forming words to express myself. i feel like i have some kind of disorder cause honestly i have the TOUGHEST time recalling simple words, thinking of how to explain myself, and just getting a point across. i always feel like moses and how he had a speech impediment. i used to make fun of people who stuttered but now i feel more comfortable around them because i have a similar problem! funny how that turned out.
anywho, it amazes me how selfish i can be when it comes to turning down prayer. i cower sometimes when given the opportunity to pray in front of groups because of how people will judge my prayer, i don't have anything to say, and words are just not appearing in my mind! but when one thinks about it, prayer is used as a tool to talk to God.
how PRECIOUS is it that we are presented with such a direct blessing to God??
and what an honor it really is to be able to lead our brothers and sisters in prayer. i think that's another thing that gets me nervous when having to pray in groups...knowing that we are leading our family into talking to God. knowing that everyone is listening and might agree/disagree is a lot of pressure. but it's still no reason to say no to. i still cannot believe how good God is that he allows us to pray directly to Him!! He really does love us :O]
and, after i pray, i always feel refreshed, understood, and expressed. prayer just gives one that feeling. :O)
anywho, so i told myself a few weeks ago that i would work more on prayer but my prayer life went the opposite direction and i do not want to continue that! therefore, if you see me and need prayer, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE to ask me!! i want to work more on it and would loooove to hear your prayer requests and would feel honored if you asked me to pray for you. that is all. :O)
"and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word." Acts 6:4
'if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14
keep on talking to the Lord cause he desires to hear from you :O]
for me, recently i've realized i often avoid prayer because i have trouble verbally forming words to express myself. i feel like i have some kind of disorder cause honestly i have the TOUGHEST time recalling simple words, thinking of how to explain myself, and just getting a point across. i always feel like moses and how he had a speech impediment. i used to make fun of people who stuttered but now i feel more comfortable around them because i have a similar problem! funny how that turned out.
anywho, it amazes me how selfish i can be when it comes to turning down prayer. i cower sometimes when given the opportunity to pray in front of groups because of how people will judge my prayer, i don't have anything to say, and words are just not appearing in my mind! but when one thinks about it, prayer is used as a tool to talk to God.
how PRECIOUS is it that we are presented with such a direct blessing to God??
and what an honor it really is to be able to lead our brothers and sisters in prayer. i think that's another thing that gets me nervous when having to pray in groups...knowing that we are leading our family into talking to God. knowing that everyone is listening and might agree/disagree is a lot of pressure. but it's still no reason to say no to. i still cannot believe how good God is that he allows us to pray directly to Him!! He really does love us :O]
and, after i pray, i always feel refreshed, understood, and expressed. prayer just gives one that feeling. :O)
anywho, so i told myself a few weeks ago that i would work more on prayer but my prayer life went the opposite direction and i do not want to continue that! therefore, if you see me and need prayer, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE to ask me!! i want to work more on it and would loooove to hear your prayer requests and would feel honored if you asked me to pray for you. that is all. :O)
"and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word." Acts 6:4
'if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14
keep on talking to the Lord cause he desires to hear from you :O]
Rejoice in the Lord!!
so...this past sunday i went to a black [forgive my un-politically-correctness] church just to experience it. :O) brought 5 other people with me [all asian except marissa.HAH!].
so i googled it and found Second Baptist Church in Riverside. i wonder why it's called second baptist.
anywho, it was a VERY long service. on the website, it said the service is from 10:15am-11:15am but it turned out to be 2 hours long!! they worshipped for like an hour and a half and the rest of the half hour was for the message. it was pretty intense.
they were reallllly welcoming though and so friendly. not afraid to give hugs or kisses too. aha.
it was funny hearing the pastor say "i wish i had somebody" when he wanted his congregation to say amen in response.
there was also one random white girl in their choir. i thought it was cool though :O)
and at the end, the senior pastor called us out by saying he knows there are visitors and asked us to come to the front so he could meet us. it was really funny cause our whole group took up a whole pew in the sanctuary. but yeah, the pastor was really nice!!
something i really appreciated and found refreshing from the whole experience, mainly the worship, was how much they really praise God for his grace&mercies and they are not concerned about how they look when they worship. they give it their all! they truly REJOICE in the Lord. i loved watching and experiencing it. it was a good reminder to me of how i should be worshipping God. He deserves so much praise for what He does in my life. even the fact that i have life is a gift and blessing! getting to join in worship with them was a fun blessing and good reminder :O] they even fist pumped at one moment&i joined in for a few pumps ;O)
i think we should all approach worship with a glad&thankful heart towards our loving Savior. we should not care about how we look when we worship Him because he deserves our everything-even down to our leg movements and clapping hands. :O] If we can get others to join in on worship, then i think it's a great feat to have our worship be contagious just like theirs was. i really appreciated that. Worship should also be free, a time to express oneself to one's Lord. We need to give it our all even if it makes us sweaty in the end and in need of the fanning motion.
"I will proclaim the name of the Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God!" Deuteronomy 32:3
"For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods." 1 Chronicles 16:25
"Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise, in the city of our God, his holy mountain." Psalm 48:1
"My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever." Psalm 145:21
I PRAISE YOU GOD!!!!
so i googled it and found Second Baptist Church in Riverside. i wonder why it's called second baptist.
anywho, it was a VERY long service. on the website, it said the service is from 10:15am-11:15am but it turned out to be 2 hours long!! they worshipped for like an hour and a half and the rest of the half hour was for the message. it was pretty intense.
they were reallllly welcoming though and so friendly. not afraid to give hugs or kisses too. aha.
it was funny hearing the pastor say "i wish i had somebody" when he wanted his congregation to say amen in response.
there was also one random white girl in their choir. i thought it was cool though :O)
and at the end, the senior pastor called us out by saying he knows there are visitors and asked us to come to the front so he could meet us. it was really funny cause our whole group took up a whole pew in the sanctuary. but yeah, the pastor was really nice!!
something i really appreciated and found refreshing from the whole experience, mainly the worship, was how much they really praise God for his grace&mercies and they are not concerned about how they look when they worship. they give it their all! they truly REJOICE in the Lord. i loved watching and experiencing it. it was a good reminder to me of how i should be worshipping God. He deserves so much praise for what He does in my life. even the fact that i have life is a gift and blessing! getting to join in worship with them was a fun blessing and good reminder :O] they even fist pumped at one moment&i joined in for a few pumps ;O)
i think we should all approach worship with a glad&thankful heart towards our loving Savior. we should not care about how we look when we worship Him because he deserves our everything-even down to our leg movements and clapping hands. :O] If we can get others to join in on worship, then i think it's a great feat to have our worship be contagious just like theirs was. i really appreciated that. Worship should also be free, a time to express oneself to one's Lord. We need to give it our all even if it makes us sweaty in the end and in need of the fanning motion.
"I will proclaim the name of the Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God!" Deuteronomy 32:3
"For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods." 1 Chronicles 16:25
"Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise, in the city of our God, his holy mountain." Psalm 48:1
"My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever." Psalm 145:21
I PRAISE YOU GOD!!!!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
temptation
man, i have a weak will. you know, some people have strong wills. i have a weak one :O( i give in so easily!
i told myself i wouldn't shop but i have shopped three, maybe four times, this week and have bought something at every trip!
not only that, i told myself i would eat better but today i ate SO much crap--->croissant,milk tea,diddy riese,pink's hot dog with chili&cheese&bacon,soda, and UGH i just feel sooo gross.
i also told myself i'd study more and play less but i have been playing sooo much since thursday. it's like when i'm doing bad in school, i feel so far sunk that i feel hopeless and just play out my feelings.
the only thing i've been doing more that i said i would do, is practicing my guitar. i'm making sure to play everyday so that i can keep my callouses and transition from chords more easily. it's really fun playing when i can actually do it ahah
oh Lord, please grant me more discipline and encouragement to stick to my word!!!!
if you are reading this and you see me, or feel like texting me, remind me to put God first and to study :Op thanks! cheerio!
i told myself i wouldn't shop but i have shopped three, maybe four times, this week and have bought something at every trip!
not only that, i told myself i would eat better but today i ate SO much crap--->croissant,milk tea,diddy riese,pink's hot dog with chili&cheese&bacon,soda, and UGH i just feel sooo gross.
i also told myself i'd study more and play less but i have been playing sooo much since thursday. it's like when i'm doing bad in school, i feel so far sunk that i feel hopeless and just play out my feelings.
the only thing i've been doing more that i said i would do, is practicing my guitar. i'm making sure to play everyday so that i can keep my callouses and transition from chords more easily. it's really fun playing when i can actually do it ahah
oh Lord, please grant me more discipline and encouragement to stick to my word!!!!
if you are reading this and you see me, or feel like texting me, remind me to put God first and to study :Op thanks! cheerio!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
there is not a more resplendent picture
yesterday at our servant team meeting, our staff Robbyn came out and led us into a devotional using the passage Psalm 23 and a book that a real life shepherd wrote on reflecting upon the passage.
there were a lot of things that stuck out to me all from just one chapter in the book!
-the shepherd shared how when the flock retired to find shade "there, fully satisfied and happily refreshed, they would lie down to rest and ruminate through the day. nothing pleased me more."
he then made the connection how God also loves to see us "contented, quiet, at rest, and relaxed. He delights to know my soul and spirit have been refreshed and satisfied."
did you catch that last sentence?
i thought it was well put and very interesting. I never thought about God finding delight in our being happy. it's great to know that and just makes being happy even more special!!
-the descriptions and words the author used was also very beautiful and helped me paint a delightful picture in my mind.
"Of course, dew is a clear, clean, pure source of water. And there is no more resplendent picture of still waters than the silver droplets of dew hanging heavy on leaves and grass at break of day."
That is the kind of water God offers us. he doesn't give us dirtied water or ok water, but he gives us the best and cleanest water he could offer!
some warnings that he brought up is how "when sheep are thirsty they become restless and set out in search of water. If not led to the good water supplies of clean, pure water, they will often end up drinking from the polluted pot holes where they pick up such internal parasites as nematodes, liver flukes, or other disease germs"
it's funny to reflect upon how stupid we are when we look for satisfaction in temporary and other stuff. yet, here God is holding out the best there is to get! and we are either too impatient or unwilling to ask Him for it. how foolish of us.
the last point i really liked:
"In the Christian life exactly the same applies. Many of the places we may be led into will appear to us as dark, deep, dangerous, and somewhat disagreeable. But it simply must be remembered that He is there with us in it. He is very much at work in the situation. It is His energy, effort, and strength expended on my behalf that even in this deep, dark place is bound to produce a benefit for me. It is there that I will discover He only can really satisfy me."
"It is He who makes sense and purpose and meaning come out of situations which otherwise would be abut a mockery to me. I discover I am the object of His special are and attention. My thirst for reality in life is assuaged, and I discover that I have found that satisfaction in my Master."
i love the shepherd and sheep analogy :O]
there were a lot of things that stuck out to me all from just one chapter in the book!
-the shepherd shared how when the flock retired to find shade "there, fully satisfied and happily refreshed, they would lie down to rest and ruminate through the day. nothing pleased me more."
he then made the connection how God also loves to see us "contented, quiet, at rest, and relaxed. He delights to know my soul and spirit have been refreshed and satisfied."
did you catch that last sentence?
i thought it was well put and very interesting. I never thought about God finding delight in our being happy. it's great to know that and just makes being happy even more special!!
-the descriptions and words the author used was also very beautiful and helped me paint a delightful picture in my mind.
"Of course, dew is a clear, clean, pure source of water. And there is no more resplendent picture of still waters than the silver droplets of dew hanging heavy on leaves and grass at break of day."
That is the kind of water God offers us. he doesn't give us dirtied water or ok water, but he gives us the best and cleanest water he could offer!
some warnings that he brought up is how "when sheep are thirsty they become restless and set out in search of water. If not led to the good water supplies of clean, pure water, they will often end up drinking from the polluted pot holes where they pick up such internal parasites as nematodes, liver flukes, or other disease germs"
it's funny to reflect upon how stupid we are when we look for satisfaction in temporary and other stuff. yet, here God is holding out the best there is to get! and we are either too impatient or unwilling to ask Him for it. how foolish of us.
the last point i really liked:
"In the Christian life exactly the same applies. Many of the places we may be led into will appear to us as dark, deep, dangerous, and somewhat disagreeable. But it simply must be remembered that He is there with us in it. He is very much at work in the situation. It is His energy, effort, and strength expended on my behalf that even in this deep, dark place is bound to produce a benefit for me. It is there that I will discover He only can really satisfy me."
"It is He who makes sense and purpose and meaning come out of situations which otherwise would be abut a mockery to me. I discover I am the object of His special are and attention. My thirst for reality in life is assuaged, and I discover that I have found that satisfaction in my Master."
i love the shepherd and sheep analogy :O]
Thursday, November 4, 2010
unexpected encouragement
God always knows best.
His timing is incredible how exactly right things fall into place!!
so i should be studying but i really really wanted to blog about this before i forget and just to share in hopes of it being encouraging to others.
so remember that post i did about going to the candlelight vigil that the LGBT resource center put on for the recent gay suicides? and remember how i wrote about one guy approached us afterwards and he was looking for a christian fellowship? well, that day, grace and i told him about aacf but he never showed up. and we weren't able to get his contact info so it was a fail :O(
BUUUUUT!! all of that changed today!! jenny, and i went to do Soularium [a survey used for evangelizing] near coffee bean and we saw this one guy by himself at a table. we weren't sure if we should approach because he looked stressed&like he was studying but we decided to try it anyways thinking maybe we can help him de-stress a little by him focusing on a picture survey for a little while :O)
welllllll, when he turned around, i IMMEDIATELY recognized his face but could NOT place from where. it started to bug me and i was really scared to introduce myself because i've had many moments where i have approached the same person before and they told me i already did the survey with them :Op quite embarrassing and due to my lack of memory.
anywho, once he said his name, i immediately remembered where i met him. and i was SO excited i couldn't contain it and shouted "oh my gosh! it's you! we met at the LGBT candlelight thingy, remember? and you never came to aacf :O(" and then, he actually remembered me too!! and he was sad saying he wanted to go to aacf but fell asleep and didn't wake up in time.
anywho, this time i made sure to get some contact info and his full name!!
i was SO shocked at how we finally found him!! grace and i were trying to find him. and look at God's timing :O)
AAAAND, if that wasn't enough, he actually came out to Epic tonight!! i was beyond happy!!! i told him i was sooo happy he came and he said he was too and enjoyed it :O) isn't that awesome?? i still can't believe it! i seriously thought we would never see him again. so crazy!! God totally had it planned out!!
there were other encouraging moments today too just seeing people step out and evangelize, receiving epic shirts finally&seeing our group all wear it in unison, having 2 people come to the FIRST prayer meeting for epic, and sooo many other things. God is awesome!!
He sure knows how to cheer me up :O]
His timing is incredible how exactly right things fall into place!!
so i should be studying but i really really wanted to blog about this before i forget and just to share in hopes of it being encouraging to others.
so remember that post i did about going to the candlelight vigil that the LGBT resource center put on for the recent gay suicides? and remember how i wrote about one guy approached us afterwards and he was looking for a christian fellowship? well, that day, grace and i told him about aacf but he never showed up. and we weren't able to get his contact info so it was a fail :O(
BUUUUUT!! all of that changed today!! jenny, and i went to do Soularium [a survey used for evangelizing] near coffee bean and we saw this one guy by himself at a table. we weren't sure if we should approach because he looked stressed&like he was studying but we decided to try it anyways thinking maybe we can help him de-stress a little by him focusing on a picture survey for a little while :O)
welllllll, when he turned around, i IMMEDIATELY recognized his face but could NOT place from where. it started to bug me and i was really scared to introduce myself because i've had many moments where i have approached the same person before and they told me i already did the survey with them :Op quite embarrassing and due to my lack of memory.
anywho, once he said his name, i immediately remembered where i met him. and i was SO excited i couldn't contain it and shouted "oh my gosh! it's you! we met at the LGBT candlelight thingy, remember? and you never came to aacf :O(" and then, he actually remembered me too!! and he was sad saying he wanted to go to aacf but fell asleep and didn't wake up in time.
anywho, this time i made sure to get some contact info and his full name!!
i was SO shocked at how we finally found him!! grace and i were trying to find him. and look at God's timing :O)
AAAAND, if that wasn't enough, he actually came out to Epic tonight!! i was beyond happy!!! i told him i was sooo happy he came and he said he was too and enjoyed it :O) isn't that awesome?? i still can't believe it! i seriously thought we would never see him again. so crazy!! God totally had it planned out!!
there were other encouraging moments today too just seeing people step out and evangelize, receiving epic shirts finally&seeing our group all wear it in unison, having 2 people come to the FIRST prayer meeting for epic, and sooo many other things. God is awesome!!
He sure knows how to cheer me up :O]
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
i need a breather
man everything is so ONGOING. i have dark and huge bags under my eyes that will probably NEVER go away and will only get worse [it's so bad that i'm even considering wearing makeup to conceal it]. i've been trying to get sleep but everything is like fighting for my time [and i don't mean that in a popular context or any conceited way at all].
today's schedule looked like this:
8:30am-wake up to use water because water was going to be shut off at 9am so had to get ready before that
9am-devos but so much to do that i feel i don't have enough time to really dive into prayer
10am-write Epic email to inform when we're meeting and include some announcements
11am-eat a snack but not enough time to make lunch
12pm-worked on something
1pm-pick up girls for women's time but ended up only having to get one girl. we still had fun and bought matching necklaces, ate yummy tacos, and went antique store shopping :O]
3pm-drop girl off and pick up other friend to take them to campus
4pm-figure out rent, pay rent, add money to laundry card
5pm-frantically work on getting study guide questions done to turn them in so i can receive other answers from study group
6pm-drive a friend back to her house that's super far from campus, get gas, rush home, drop off roomie and pick up guitar
7pm-practice/prepare for worship Thursday with Joel [and chris and aaron ahah]
11pm-worship prepping took forever and left my fingers sore and throat tired, ate some starbucks sandwiches, quick laughs with eric, roomies, and josh
12am-facebook break to relieve myself of reality
1am-homework but still breaks to check email, event i have to attend tomorrow, figure out schedule tomorrow
2am-wanting to shower but freaking water is not producing hot water, dreading tomorrow knowing i have class&will fall asleep, water is going to be shut off again from 9am-6pm and will have an equally if not more BUSY schedule tomorrow!!
oh my gosh! i almost want to say i want out. but it's just my tiredness speaking. this is when i realize i'm relying on people [for happiness, energy, etc] and time to turn to God and repent, receive, and release.
Lord, i need this verse to come true in my life again- "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
p.s. if you're reading this, please pray for me :O]
today's schedule looked like this:
8:30am-wake up to use water because water was going to be shut off at 9am so had to get ready before that
9am-devos but so much to do that i feel i don't have enough time to really dive into prayer
10am-write Epic email to inform when we're meeting and include some announcements
11am-eat a snack but not enough time to make lunch
12pm-worked on something
1pm-pick up girls for women's time but ended up only having to get one girl. we still had fun and bought matching necklaces, ate yummy tacos, and went antique store shopping :O]
3pm-drop girl off and pick up other friend to take them to campus
4pm-figure out rent, pay rent, add money to laundry card
5pm-frantically work on getting study guide questions done to turn them in so i can receive other answers from study group
6pm-drive a friend back to her house that's super far from campus, get gas, rush home, drop off roomie and pick up guitar
7pm-practice/prepare for worship Thursday with Joel [and chris and aaron ahah]
11pm-worship prepping took forever and left my fingers sore and throat tired, ate some starbucks sandwiches, quick laughs with eric, roomies, and josh
12am-facebook break to relieve myself of reality
1am-homework but still breaks to check email, event i have to attend tomorrow, figure out schedule tomorrow
2am-wanting to shower but freaking water is not producing hot water, dreading tomorrow knowing i have class&will fall asleep, water is going to be shut off again from 9am-6pm and will have an equally if not more BUSY schedule tomorrow!!
oh my gosh! i almost want to say i want out. but it's just my tiredness speaking. this is when i realize i'm relying on people [for happiness, energy, etc] and time to turn to God and repent, receive, and release.
Lord, i need this verse to come true in my life again- "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
p.s. if you're reading this, please pray for me :O]
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I'm excited!!
tonight was another perfect and God-meant opportunity!! for the first time, i looked forward to Bio discussion because of it. :O)
so our professor had the LGBT resource center have a panel for our discussion class to be open to answering questions.
i learned so much tonight!! and i had a good time laughing at all the funny stories and awkward moments.
There were 4 students on the panel and the leader of the LGBT resource center was facilitating the discussion. Each of the students were very unique, 2 boys and 2 girls and two were gay, one was bi, and the other was transsexual. One was mexican, one was asian, one was white, and the other one looked hispanic too.
it was very interesting hearing their stories, getting to ask them questions, and seeing how open and honest they were. they made a lot of funny jokes too!!
so some of the things i found out through my questions and other's questions:
-one of them is a christian, one of them is agnostic [because he believes that not everything was a random mistake], one of them is atheist [because she believes everything is a horrible mistake], one of them is muslim [her dad didn't mind her being lesbian and jokingly said as long as she brought a muslim girl home], and the last one was also atheist.
-they do not always have "gaydar." the lesbian said she has a broken gaydar and can't tell for crap ahah. the transgender and the gay guys said they can tell 90% of the time. one of the guys said he does this test and stares for awhile [the straight guys tend to turn away really quick and the gay guys tend to stare back longer].
-when i asked the worst way they have been discriminated against, some answers were being stared at&given weird looks, being yelled at from a random guy in a parking lot cause they were wearing a legalize homosexuality shirt&it was at night in an alley so it was dangerous and scary, being kicked out of home, and being outed after truthfully confronting a crush that turned out to be straight.
lastly, this lingering issue they brought up has brought a lot to my attention. someone asked about adoption and one of them was super passionate about vying for rights for homosexuals to be allowed to raise children and adopt. because she was making the point that two lesbians could raise a kid and that kid could have love and care as opposed to feeling rejected and unwanted in an adoption agency. one of the gay guys made a point saying that his friend was raised by lesbian mothers and he turned out to be straight and so the outcome is that he learned not to judge at first appearance.
it was really interesting to hear that and think of that. it almost started to sway my opinion. i saw their point and wanted to agree with them that it's better for a kid to be loved and grow up in a loving home instead of having to be alone or without parents in a adoption agency with no individual attention it could get from adopted parents.
it's something i need to be aware of and be firm in my beliefs. that i can still feel compassion for the LGBT community, but i must never sway from what God says about homosexuality. Yes, it seems to be nicer if a kid were to be adopted by homosexual parents but at the same time would God want that? Is that beneficial for the kid?
there are so many questions still, so many answers to be sought, a ton of patience to be had, and lots of love to show. i felt so happy learning more about the LGBT community, seeing how willing and honest the panel was to share about their personal lives, and it felt great just being able to listen to their individual stories and it was in a safe environment.
afterwards, they had fliers and handouts and i totally took some and cannot wait to attend an ally workshop they are having just for people to know what terms to use, what's ok to say, and how one should interact with the LGBT community. They also have a chatroom where you can ask any questions you want like "my friend just came out. what should i do?"
as i was leaving class and walking to AACF, i felt so happy inside that i had an opportunity to learn more and understand the LGBT community, and that God entrusted me with this love for them that i cannot explain. i haven't even had that much experience with homosexuals and yet i feel soooo much love for them. i really want to reach out to them and show them that Jesus DOES care, Jesus cares about their struggles and wants to embrace them and give them strength to deal with what they need to.
Yet, i have so much i need to prepare for in terms of being more grounded, knowing which events to attend that the LGBT Resource center puts together, and prayer prayer prayer! i have been blessed tremendously with 2 friends who also have the same heart as me and i recently found another one that wants to get involved too.
GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!
p.s. worship night at AACF with Troy Lee was really good. i always do feel intimate with God in worship when Troy leads. i am so thankful that i do not miss out on everything when i return from class. :O]
so our professor had the LGBT resource center have a panel for our discussion class to be open to answering questions.
i learned so much tonight!! and i had a good time laughing at all the funny stories and awkward moments.
There were 4 students on the panel and the leader of the LGBT resource center was facilitating the discussion. Each of the students were very unique, 2 boys and 2 girls and two were gay, one was bi, and the other was transsexual. One was mexican, one was asian, one was white, and the other one looked hispanic too.
it was very interesting hearing their stories, getting to ask them questions, and seeing how open and honest they were. they made a lot of funny jokes too!!
so some of the things i found out through my questions and other's questions:
-one of them is a christian, one of them is agnostic [because he believes that not everything was a random mistake], one of them is atheist [because she believes everything is a horrible mistake], one of them is muslim [her dad didn't mind her being lesbian and jokingly said as long as she brought a muslim girl home], and the last one was also atheist.
-they do not always have "gaydar." the lesbian said she has a broken gaydar and can't tell for crap ahah. the transgender and the gay guys said they can tell 90% of the time. one of the guys said he does this test and stares for awhile [the straight guys tend to turn away really quick and the gay guys tend to stare back longer].
-when i asked the worst way they have been discriminated against, some answers were being stared at&given weird looks, being yelled at from a random guy in a parking lot cause they were wearing a legalize homosexuality shirt&it was at night in an alley so it was dangerous and scary, being kicked out of home, and being outed after truthfully confronting a crush that turned out to be straight.
lastly, this lingering issue they brought up has brought a lot to my attention. someone asked about adoption and one of them was super passionate about vying for rights for homosexuals to be allowed to raise children and adopt. because she was making the point that two lesbians could raise a kid and that kid could have love and care as opposed to feeling rejected and unwanted in an adoption agency. one of the gay guys made a point saying that his friend was raised by lesbian mothers and he turned out to be straight and so the outcome is that he learned not to judge at first appearance.
it was really interesting to hear that and think of that. it almost started to sway my opinion. i saw their point and wanted to agree with them that it's better for a kid to be loved and grow up in a loving home instead of having to be alone or without parents in a adoption agency with no individual attention it could get from adopted parents.
it's something i need to be aware of and be firm in my beliefs. that i can still feel compassion for the LGBT community, but i must never sway from what God says about homosexuality. Yes, it seems to be nicer if a kid were to be adopted by homosexual parents but at the same time would God want that? Is that beneficial for the kid?
there are so many questions still, so many answers to be sought, a ton of patience to be had, and lots of love to show. i felt so happy learning more about the LGBT community, seeing how willing and honest the panel was to share about their personal lives, and it felt great just being able to listen to their individual stories and it was in a safe environment.
afterwards, they had fliers and handouts and i totally took some and cannot wait to attend an ally workshop they are having just for people to know what terms to use, what's ok to say, and how one should interact with the LGBT community. They also have a chatroom where you can ask any questions you want like "my friend just came out. what should i do?"
as i was leaving class and walking to AACF, i felt so happy inside that i had an opportunity to learn more and understand the LGBT community, and that God entrusted me with this love for them that i cannot explain. i haven't even had that much experience with homosexuals and yet i feel soooo much love for them. i really want to reach out to them and show them that Jesus DOES care, Jesus cares about their struggles and wants to embrace them and give them strength to deal with what they need to.
Yet, i have so much i need to prepare for in terms of being more grounded, knowing which events to attend that the LGBT Resource center puts together, and prayer prayer prayer! i have been blessed tremendously with 2 friends who also have the same heart as me and i recently found another one that wants to get involved too.
GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!
p.s. worship night at AACF with Troy Lee was really good. i always do feel intimate with God in worship when Troy leads. i am so thankful that i do not miss out on everything when i return from class. :O]
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I was a gas-line ready to explode
God has released me. these past few weeks have been really stressful and because of that, i've been building up guilt and trying to do everything by myself. partly because i didn't realize i was taking everything on myself, i didn't know who i should talk to, and i thought it was normal. so i felt really burdened.
Well, yesterday, at AACF, i took advantage of the altar call. it was pretty crazy how things worked out cause i was able to go to aacf for a few minutes and stayed for worship for 2 songs. then i had to go to my class for an hour and then came back to aacf. everytime i come back, i feel i always catch the best part of the message [cause it's past the building up and into the nitty gritty].
the speaker was addressing how we are a family under God and that if someone asks us how we're doing, we shouldn't lie and say we're doing ok when really we want to break down and cry. then he continued talking about God's astounding grace and how He loves us so much. Then he went into prayer and prayed "i don't know if there's anyone hurting here tonight or going through a hard time, but God knows and he cares so much..." that's when i started to sob. i couldn't hold it all in anymore. i didn't care who was sitting next to me [like if they saw me crying] or what would happen. the Lord was just touching my heart.
as soon as he gave the usual altar call that there are leaders in the back ready to pray for us, i went to go find one.
Lori was the closest to where i was sitting and she's been such a great sister, i felt safe to approach her.
she could tell right away that something was wrong and asked if i was ok to which i honestly answered no and then continued crying again. she just held me and prayed over me. that was just what i needed and God knew that. during that time, i felt really ministered to and was able to release a lot of guilt i was feeling, and other things i had been holding onto.
after yesterday, it was just confirmed that aacf is my fellowship. epic is my ministry.
God has blessed me with aacf with the family ready to laugh, joke, pray, and have fun with me. :O] i'm not saying that epic doesn't offer any of that but i view it in a different light.
anyways, the whole point of sharing this is just to continue to encourage you guys [who read this] to follow God, be REAL with Him and yourself and others, and that HAVING FAITH TAKES YOU TO AMAZING HEIGHTS.
i heard this song again by Kutless today that really mirrored what i feel:
What Faith Can Do-
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
[the rest of the song is pretty long but you can google it]
to God be ALL praise!!
Well, yesterday, at AACF, i took advantage of the altar call. it was pretty crazy how things worked out cause i was able to go to aacf for a few minutes and stayed for worship for 2 songs. then i had to go to my class for an hour and then came back to aacf. everytime i come back, i feel i always catch the best part of the message [cause it's past the building up and into the nitty gritty].
the speaker was addressing how we are a family under God and that if someone asks us how we're doing, we shouldn't lie and say we're doing ok when really we want to break down and cry. then he continued talking about God's astounding grace and how He loves us so much. Then he went into prayer and prayed "i don't know if there's anyone hurting here tonight or going through a hard time, but God knows and he cares so much..." that's when i started to sob. i couldn't hold it all in anymore. i didn't care who was sitting next to me [like if they saw me crying] or what would happen. the Lord was just touching my heart.
as soon as he gave the usual altar call that there are leaders in the back ready to pray for us, i went to go find one.
Lori was the closest to where i was sitting and she's been such a great sister, i felt safe to approach her.
she could tell right away that something was wrong and asked if i was ok to which i honestly answered no and then continued crying again. she just held me and prayed over me. that was just what i needed and God knew that. during that time, i felt really ministered to and was able to release a lot of guilt i was feeling, and other things i had been holding onto.
after yesterday, it was just confirmed that aacf is my fellowship. epic is my ministry.
God has blessed me with aacf with the family ready to laugh, joke, pray, and have fun with me. :O] i'm not saying that epic doesn't offer any of that but i view it in a different light.
anyways, the whole point of sharing this is just to continue to encourage you guys [who read this] to follow God, be REAL with Him and yourself and others, and that HAVING FAITH TAKES YOU TO AMAZING HEIGHTS.
i heard this song again by Kutless today that really mirrored what i feel:
What Faith Can Do-
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
[the rest of the song is pretty long but you can google it]
to God be ALL praise!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
swamped
now a days, i just feel swamped. busy with SO much going on.
this past sunday, my pastor preached about how God places us in areas that we are not strong in, so we can grow. Otherwise it wouldn't make sense if he always placed us in places that we excel in. We would forget to give Him the glory. I totally agree with that!! And i currently feel like that is what God is teaching me. I feel He is really stretching me in the areas of ministry He's placed me in. I am thankful for the opportunity but at the same time it can be overwhelming.
But my pastor reminded us that God gave us spiritual gifts, and He can take it away too. So we need to use the blessings that He's bestowed upon us.
In sunday school, we wrote out a list of ministries God has put on our heart. I have a long list. I feel God has given me a big honor of the responsibility of pursuing each of these groups. In each group, i grow so much in using my spiritual gifts or "gain" new ones :O) I also have the chance to observe other people's spiritual gifts and be blessed by them myself. I love diversity!!
In the midst of all the chaos and busyness and according to a lot of people, MIA-ness, i feel guilt.
Guilt for not keeping in touch with more friends, guilt for not making time for other stuff like looking for a job, guilt for not taking care of myself&exercising more or guilt for not practicing my guitar so i can lead worship one day for epic, and guilt for not making the best of my time.
It sure doesn't help when friends give me crap for not talking to them in awhile or attending events to hang out with them. Initially, it feels good to be missed and it shows that people care. But if it continues to be criticism for being a bad friend and so on, it starts to hurt like why can't you understand me better? They should know i care about them so much and if i could, i would make time. It's hard to not struggle with that. Ultimately, God comes first. I just need to remind myself that.
Even though i am writing about a lot of the struggles, there are still so many rewards...
i love spending time with my housemates. they are all so loving, fun, and genuine!! we have so much fun scaring each other whenever one of us comes back from being out [one of my roomies brought up how she wonders what our neighbors think when they hear us scream randomly everyday ahahah]. we have fun laughing with each other concerning inside jokes. we have fun eating one of our roomies' food creations, mmmm. and we just have fun in general encouraging each other and teasing too!!
They certainly are a blessing to me :O]
Another visible blessing is having my car. i will never stop giving God thanks for that!! it is sooo convenient to have a car and be able to take myself places, give others a lift, and get stuff done without bothering others!! i love it and feel so blessed!!
anywho, it is really late. time to sleep or something.
Praise God for what he is doing and will continue to do in my life. Never stop hoping in Him because he ALWAYS comes through.
always.
this past sunday, my pastor preached about how God places us in areas that we are not strong in, so we can grow. Otherwise it wouldn't make sense if he always placed us in places that we excel in. We would forget to give Him the glory. I totally agree with that!! And i currently feel like that is what God is teaching me. I feel He is really stretching me in the areas of ministry He's placed me in. I am thankful for the opportunity but at the same time it can be overwhelming.
But my pastor reminded us that God gave us spiritual gifts, and He can take it away too. So we need to use the blessings that He's bestowed upon us.
In sunday school, we wrote out a list of ministries God has put on our heart. I have a long list. I feel God has given me a big honor of the responsibility of pursuing each of these groups. In each group, i grow so much in using my spiritual gifts or "gain" new ones :O) I also have the chance to observe other people's spiritual gifts and be blessed by them myself. I love diversity!!
In the midst of all the chaos and busyness and according to a lot of people, MIA-ness, i feel guilt.
Guilt for not keeping in touch with more friends, guilt for not making time for other stuff like looking for a job, guilt for not taking care of myself&exercising more or guilt for not practicing my guitar so i can lead worship one day for epic, and guilt for not making the best of my time.
It sure doesn't help when friends give me crap for not talking to them in awhile or attending events to hang out with them. Initially, it feels good to be missed and it shows that people care. But if it continues to be criticism for being a bad friend and so on, it starts to hurt like why can't you understand me better? They should know i care about them so much and if i could, i would make time. It's hard to not struggle with that. Ultimately, God comes first. I just need to remind myself that.
Even though i am writing about a lot of the struggles, there are still so many rewards...
i love spending time with my housemates. they are all so loving, fun, and genuine!! we have so much fun scaring each other whenever one of us comes back from being out [one of my roomies brought up how she wonders what our neighbors think when they hear us scream randomly everyday ahahah]. we have fun laughing with each other concerning inside jokes. we have fun eating one of our roomies' food creations, mmmm. and we just have fun in general encouraging each other and teasing too!!
They certainly are a blessing to me :O]
Another visible blessing is having my car. i will never stop giving God thanks for that!! it is sooo convenient to have a car and be able to take myself places, give others a lift, and get stuff done without bothering others!! i love it and feel so blessed!!
anywho, it is really late. time to sleep or something.
Praise God for what he is doing and will continue to do in my life. Never stop hoping in Him because he ALWAYS comes through.
always.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Jesus EMPOWERS me
tonight was amazing. totally not what i expected at all!!
grace yellow and i went to the candlelight vigil for the gay suicides at the Bell tower.
i went with expectations to hopefully make connections, show the LGBT community that Jesus loves them through my&grace's attendance, and to listen to the stories/testimonials.
when we got there, there was a girl already sharing her personal story of how she's been affected by those around her after she came out. after realizing that people were sharing personal stories and the facilitator asked if anyone else wanted to share, we picked up that it was open and anyone could speak. that is when grace got the idea and nudged me saying we should say something, apologizing for christians and the way we treat the LGBT community.
when she did that, my heart started beating like CRAZY!! i knew she was right and we did come there for a purpose, so i wanted to do it. but i was nervous like crazy and was starting to let me insecurities take over like how i'm bad with words and i didn't want to offend anyone.
but i REALLY really wanted to take a stand for Jesus and i truly felt the Holy Spirit telling me that i should speak up. so grace and i established that i would start and she would end.
so i started by saying "Hi, my name is Jessica and this is my friend Grace. We are here to support the LGBT community and show them that we love them because Jesus loves them. We also wanted to apologize for how christians have treated the LGBT community, because we are christians too and we wanted to show you that we care." [it was something along the lines of that] and then grace spoke and gave a little testimony of why she has a heart for the LGBT community as well and then agreed&emphasized with my points about apologizing for christians.
it was crazy.
we both TOTALLY did not go to the vigil with expectations to talk. i totally was going with intention to listen. funny how God had different plans. :O)
afterwards, one girl approached us thanking us for speaking up and how she's christian also. another girl approached us from the newspaper wanting to get our opinion on why we came, what we thought of it, and so on. so we might be in the newspaper! and lastly, another guy approached us to also thank us for speaking up. he shared how he was looking for a christian club too and asked which one we went to. so he might come out tomorrow to AACF! i'm so excited!! already God is rewarding us for our courage.
it was really good though to go and listen to the personal testimonials. i really felt the hurt and anger they felt. and it was interesting because a police officer was there in uniform and he stepped in the middle of the circle to share how he came because he also supports the LGBT community and wanted them to know that, he shared how he used to be a student at UCR too and now works at the UCR police department [for several years too]. he also shared how he wasn't asked by the police department to come and that he came on his own free will. lastly, he shared how many other people at the police station support the LGBT community as well and will be glad to assist if anyone wanted to come by and talk to them.
i'm really glad i was able to go to this event. it opened my eyes to new perspective and showed me how some stereotypes are actually true. also, i feel i have gained more understanding and a bigger heart for the hurt they feel from the world and other anti-LGBT people.
i feel God has prepared me for this moment and more to come, i just need to speak out and step up.
grace yellow and i went to the candlelight vigil for the gay suicides at the Bell tower.
i went with expectations to hopefully make connections, show the LGBT community that Jesus loves them through my&grace's attendance, and to listen to the stories/testimonials.
when we got there, there was a girl already sharing her personal story of how she's been affected by those around her after she came out. after realizing that people were sharing personal stories and the facilitator asked if anyone else wanted to share, we picked up that it was open and anyone could speak. that is when grace got the idea and nudged me saying we should say something, apologizing for christians and the way we treat the LGBT community.
when she did that, my heart started beating like CRAZY!! i knew she was right and we did come there for a purpose, so i wanted to do it. but i was nervous like crazy and was starting to let me insecurities take over like how i'm bad with words and i didn't want to offend anyone.
but i REALLY really wanted to take a stand for Jesus and i truly felt the Holy Spirit telling me that i should speak up. so grace and i established that i would start and she would end.
so i started by saying "Hi, my name is Jessica and this is my friend Grace. We are here to support the LGBT community and show them that we love them because Jesus loves them. We also wanted to apologize for how christians have treated the LGBT community, because we are christians too and we wanted to show you that we care." [it was something along the lines of that] and then grace spoke and gave a little testimony of why she has a heart for the LGBT community as well and then agreed&emphasized with my points about apologizing for christians.
it was crazy.
we both TOTALLY did not go to the vigil with expectations to talk. i totally was going with intention to listen. funny how God had different plans. :O)
afterwards, one girl approached us thanking us for speaking up and how she's christian also. another girl approached us from the newspaper wanting to get our opinion on why we came, what we thought of it, and so on. so we might be in the newspaper! and lastly, another guy approached us to also thank us for speaking up. he shared how he was looking for a christian club too and asked which one we went to. so he might come out tomorrow to AACF! i'm so excited!! already God is rewarding us for our courage.
it was really good though to go and listen to the personal testimonials. i really felt the hurt and anger they felt. and it was interesting because a police officer was there in uniform and he stepped in the middle of the circle to share how he came because he also supports the LGBT community and wanted them to know that, he shared how he used to be a student at UCR too and now works at the UCR police department [for several years too]. he also shared how he wasn't asked by the police department to come and that he came on his own free will. lastly, he shared how many other people at the police station support the LGBT community as well and will be glad to assist if anyone wanted to come by and talk to them.
i'm really glad i was able to go to this event. it opened my eyes to new perspective and showed me how some stereotypes are actually true. also, i feel i have gained more understanding and a bigger heart for the hurt they feel from the world and other anti-LGBT people.
i feel God has prepared me for this moment and more to come, i just need to speak out and step up.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Jesus sent me on this wild adventure...
...because He knew my life would be boring without it. :O)
my true friends are the ones who ask me how Epic went. thanks to those who ask about it. means a lot to me. shows you care and understand how important it is to me.
Tonight was our first Epic meeting of the year! It was very blessed as always :O)
i was sitting in the back just reflecting on how crazy God's plans are. About three years ago [maybe 4], God had a vision to start Epic at UCR. Two people stepped up to put that plan into action and pursued and invested into 3 of us. Well, all of the hard work, caring, and planning turned out to be successful and now those 3 students caught the vision and are devoted to Epic.
Last year, Epic became official on UCR as a club on campus. It was answered prayer. We started with 3 people, averaged about 22 at our weekly meetings. it was amazing and PURELY only God who orchestrated everything.
This year, we have another classroom. it feels GREAT having our own room. our very own room dedicated to Epic to be free to worship God and talk without outside noise. We have a new staff team and as always, they are always dedicated, super helpful, caring, and awesome!! I can't get over how many lessons God has taught and is still teaching me through serving in Epic. it's so mind blowing to me. i never thought in a million years that i would be co-leading a club. responsibility scares me, especially when it involves others' spiritual lives. but God has taught me a lot through my insecurities and has given me so many encouraging staff, co-leaders, and friends. God has shown me that he CAN take me higher than i could ever imagine.
i just need to do my part and follow Him wholeheartedly.
my true friends are the ones who ask me how Epic went. thanks to those who ask about it. means a lot to me. shows you care and understand how important it is to me.
Tonight was our first Epic meeting of the year! It was very blessed as always :O)
i was sitting in the back just reflecting on how crazy God's plans are. About three years ago [maybe 4], God had a vision to start Epic at UCR. Two people stepped up to put that plan into action and pursued and invested into 3 of us. Well, all of the hard work, caring, and planning turned out to be successful and now those 3 students caught the vision and are devoted to Epic.
Last year, Epic became official on UCR as a club on campus. It was answered prayer. We started with 3 people, averaged about 22 at our weekly meetings. it was amazing and PURELY only God who orchestrated everything.
This year, we have another classroom. it feels GREAT having our own room. our very own room dedicated to Epic to be free to worship God and talk without outside noise. We have a new staff team and as always, they are always dedicated, super helpful, caring, and awesome!! I can't get over how many lessons God has taught and is still teaching me through serving in Epic. it's so mind blowing to me. i never thought in a million years that i would be co-leading a club. responsibility scares me, especially when it involves others' spiritual lives. but God has taught me a lot through my insecurities and has given me so many encouraging staff, co-leaders, and friends. God has shown me that he CAN take me higher than i could ever imagine.
i just need to do my part and follow Him wholeheartedly.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
ups and downs galore
funny how things can be so sad and the next moment, there's laughter. [so there are sad times and then joyous times]
today was a sad day and yet a good day.
3 situations happened that really brought me down:
-my friend told me his cousin hung herself and that's why he went back home this past weekend [after i asked if he enjoyed his weekend home and everything :Op]
-another friend told me that a mutual friend is denouncing his faith
-one of my friends is in the hospital because of surgery on his leg
here are the things that brought me up:
-getting to wear a scarf and jacket again
-feeling sore but it's good cause the instructor said if we feel it, we did the work out right!
-eating yummy ramen on a cold day
-not having to walk home at night cause of my lovely roomy who picked me up
-petting a kitty and oozing at it's cuteness
-getting to know one of the girls on our servant team :O)
-getting to drive. i'll never stop seeing it as a blessing. especially owning a car.
-spending time with the roomies. i absolutely love them!!<333
thank you God for the lows and highs. you are my stronghold!!
today was a sad day and yet a good day.
3 situations happened that really brought me down:
-my friend told me his cousin hung herself and that's why he went back home this past weekend [after i asked if he enjoyed his weekend home and everything :Op]
-another friend told me that a mutual friend is denouncing his faith
-one of my friends is in the hospital because of surgery on his leg
here are the things that brought me up:
-getting to wear a scarf and jacket again
-feeling sore but it's good cause the instructor said if we feel it, we did the work out right!
-eating yummy ramen on a cold day
-not having to walk home at night cause of my lovely roomy who picked me up
-petting a kitty and oozing at it's cuteness
-getting to know one of the girls on our servant team :O)
-getting to drive. i'll never stop seeing it as a blessing. especially owning a car.
-spending time with the roomies. i absolutely love them!!<333
thank you God for the lows and highs. you are my stronghold!!
Monday, October 4, 2010
senior reflections
this senior year has me reflecting more than ever on my life and time at UCR.
there are SO many things i love about Riverside. people are just haters and haven't experienced Riverside enough to give it a chance.
i appreciate the following:
-there are some NICE views overlooking Riverside in various areas
-there are a lot of nice parks you can freely hold events, take pictures at, or just go to for fun and spontaneous visits!
-mission inn is really nice and has a lot of cute shops
-at UCR, i love my senior class. they're awesome <3 i miss hanging out with a lot of them. now that we're all older, most of us are serving and barely have time to meet up with each other unless it involves ministry. it's so sad. i VALUE the time i get to talk to each and every one of them. even seeing them is special :O]
-ministries here have grown me sooo much and my spiritual walk has spiraled up in a humongous way. i look at Riverside fondly because this is where i have done so much of my spiritual and mental growth.
-driving at night with my windows rolled down [including sunroof!] and feeling the wind breeze on through (and if you drive on iowa, you smell the orange trees. so YUM)
-i love being so close to all my friends [cause we all live fairly close to campus verses if we were at our respected homes]
-in Riverside, i have been treated to so many meals :O) thanks to all who fed my stomach well.
i can keep listing things but yeah it's great in Riverside! woooo!!!
there are SO many things i love about Riverside. people are just haters and haven't experienced Riverside enough to give it a chance.
i appreciate the following:
-there are some NICE views overlooking Riverside in various areas
-there are a lot of nice parks you can freely hold events, take pictures at, or just go to for fun and spontaneous visits!
-mission inn is really nice and has a lot of cute shops
-at UCR, i love my senior class. they're awesome <3 i miss hanging out with a lot of them. now that we're all older, most of us are serving and barely have time to meet up with each other unless it involves ministry. it's so sad. i VALUE the time i get to talk to each and every one of them. even seeing them is special :O]
-ministries here have grown me sooo much and my spiritual walk has spiraled up in a humongous way. i look at Riverside fondly because this is where i have done so much of my spiritual and mental growth.
-driving at night with my windows rolled down [including sunroof!] and feeling the wind breeze on through (and if you drive on iowa, you smell the orange trees. so YUM)
-i love being so close to all my friends [cause we all live fairly close to campus verses if we were at our respected homes]
-in Riverside, i have been treated to so many meals :O) thanks to all who fed my stomach well.
i can keep listing things but yeah it's great in Riverside! woooo!!!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
...it was just what i needed
Recently, God has brought me renewal.
Renewal of Body, Spirit, Mind, and Heart.
This weekend was what i needed, a little R&R. :O]
I had planned to take a trip to Norcal to surprise a friend for his baptism but it didn't work out [ride-wise]. i was SUPER bummed but later God proved to me once again his amazing plan for me. Because my plans for this weekend didn't work out, i basically had a free weekend and i used it to meet/catch up with people and get some hw done.
It was just what i needed.
Being able to spend some time with the roommates, sleep in, catch up with friends, organize ministry stuff, and get some hw done was a huge blessing!!
I feel ready again to start school now that 1st week is over [and being sick last week really made me feel so behind].
I also feel ready to tackle this year ministry wise :O)
I also have decided which church i am going to attend when i stay on the weekend in Riverside. The message today was very convicting and talked about loyalty in the story of Ruth and it was crazy cause the pastor acknowledged what i have been praying and talking about for awhile, he mentioned how we have to find a church and stick with it; be committed to your church.
It's true, i totally need to just PICK ONE and stick with it! so i figured Sandals is a good choice because i feel welcomed&into the family, i learn so much from his messages&always feel convicted, and even though the church is big i still find community within the aacf attendees :O]
God is good. here is one of the verses from today's message that i really like&want to apply to my life:
Psalm 51:10
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
Renewal of Body, Spirit, Mind, and Heart.
This weekend was what i needed, a little R&R. :O]
I had planned to take a trip to Norcal to surprise a friend for his baptism but it didn't work out [ride-wise]. i was SUPER bummed but later God proved to me once again his amazing plan for me. Because my plans for this weekend didn't work out, i basically had a free weekend and i used it to meet/catch up with people and get some hw done.
It was just what i needed.
Being able to spend some time with the roommates, sleep in, catch up with friends, organize ministry stuff, and get some hw done was a huge blessing!!
I feel ready again to start school now that 1st week is over [and being sick last week really made me feel so behind].
I also feel ready to tackle this year ministry wise :O)
I also have decided which church i am going to attend when i stay on the weekend in Riverside. The message today was very convicting and talked about loyalty in the story of Ruth and it was crazy cause the pastor acknowledged what i have been praying and talking about for awhile, he mentioned how we have to find a church and stick with it; be committed to your church.
It's true, i totally need to just PICK ONE and stick with it! so i figured Sandals is a good choice because i feel welcomed&into the family, i learn so much from his messages&always feel convicted, and even though the church is big i still find community within the aacf attendees :O]
God is good. here is one of the verses from today's message that i really like&want to apply to my life:
Psalm 51:10
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
Friday, October 1, 2010
a little torn
so i thought i was done with this feeling but it's still coursing through me.
having two specific ministries on my heart makes me feel so divided.
on one hand, there is a ministry where i attend class, hang out with, and live with it's people.
on the other hand, there is a ministry where i invest, serve, and fellowship with it's people.
the first ministry i was placed in to help me grow and learn from others.
the second ministry i was called to so i could serve, encourage, and be challenged in.
these ministries meet on different days during the week but when there are those events where they occur on the same day or weekend, i always have to choose!!
now of course i automatically have to choose the side of where God has specifically placed a calling on my life. But it is always so extremely difficult for me to not think about the ministry that first made an impression in my heart and will always be my home no matter what.
it doesn't help either when the people i live with and hang out with more, talk about the ministry's upcoming events and tell me to go but when they find out i can't, they try to think of alternative methods of my attending but it puts more stress on having to think about both events and most of the time, i can only go to one. so choosing has to be done.
gahhh i know it shouldn't be this hard. especially when God has called me to serve in one over the other.
i'm sure there is a bigger lesson to be learned behind this than what i can see.
i look forward to discovering it along the path of following Him and trusting Him....
having two specific ministries on my heart makes me feel so divided.
on one hand, there is a ministry where i attend class, hang out with, and live with it's people.
on the other hand, there is a ministry where i invest, serve, and fellowship with it's people.
the first ministry i was placed in to help me grow and learn from others.
the second ministry i was called to so i could serve, encourage, and be challenged in.
these ministries meet on different days during the week but when there are those events where they occur on the same day or weekend, i always have to choose!!
now of course i automatically have to choose the side of where God has specifically placed a calling on my life. But it is always so extremely difficult for me to not think about the ministry that first made an impression in my heart and will always be my home no matter what.
it doesn't help either when the people i live with and hang out with more, talk about the ministry's upcoming events and tell me to go but when they find out i can't, they try to think of alternative methods of my attending but it puts more stress on having to think about both events and most of the time, i can only go to one. so choosing has to be done.
gahhh i know it shouldn't be this hard. especially when God has called me to serve in one over the other.
i'm sure there is a bigger lesson to be learned behind this than what i can see.
i look forward to discovering it along the path of following Him and trusting Him....
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
all sunshine, but where are the rainbows?
1st full week of school and the crazyness has begun.
so, i foolishly didn't get enough sleep the week before and some stress was going on so that combination always makes me sick.
sick as in, a cold. the usual runny nose, coughing, sore throat, head hurting.
i always, always get sick. my immune system sucks!! i managed to survive the whole summer though and remained healthy.
and if being sick wasn't awesome enough, the weather decided to heat up and turn riverside into an oven!! well, it worked and it reached temperatures soaring past the 90s into the 100s. such absurdness.
but amidst the extreme sunshine, God has remained faithful as always and i would not be here if it weren't for air conditioning, fans, cooler temperatures at night, tissues, vitamins, cough drops, and warm drinks. :O]
Epic has just begun to kick off as well and i could not be more excited!!
God is amazing and there is always a blessing to be found among the trials. :O]
p.s. we FINALLY got internet yesterday!! wooooooo!!!!
so, i foolishly didn't get enough sleep the week before and some stress was going on so that combination always makes me sick.
sick as in, a cold. the usual runny nose, coughing, sore throat, head hurting.
i always, always get sick. my immune system sucks!! i managed to survive the whole summer though and remained healthy.
and if being sick wasn't awesome enough, the weather decided to heat up and turn riverside into an oven!! well, it worked and it reached temperatures soaring past the 90s into the 100s. such absurdness.
but amidst the extreme sunshine, God has remained faithful as always and i would not be here if it weren't for air conditioning, fans, cooler temperatures at night, tissues, vitamins, cough drops, and warm drinks. :O]
Epic has just begun to kick off as well and i could not be more excited!!
God is amazing and there is always a blessing to be found among the trials. :O]
p.s. we FINALLY got internet yesterday!! wooooooo!!!!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
today God gave me words
"We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.
Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.
For even Christ did not please himself, but as it is written: 'The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.'
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."
Romans 15:1-6
Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.
For even Christ did not please himself, but as it is written: 'The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.'
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."
Romans 15:1-6
no words
i never thought it was possible to be more confused about life decisions senior year than freshman year.
or even before freshman year, it was suuuper tough to decide which college to apply to, which college to attend, which major to declare, and what career to work towards.
now, it's when to graduate, what to do with my major, is grad school in the picture, and the possibilities never end.
most people in the world kill for possibilities and opportunities. but it's always different when you are given it and haven't experienced no open doors.
aside from school, there are other things on my mind: ministry, friendships, family, etc
sometimes things can get so overwhelming.
and for me, processing is a loooong process. i cannot do it by myself. oh how i wish so hard i could. but i always need to talk it through with someone.
but there are times when i just don't feel like it. it's frustrating. so frustrating when there are no words.
no words.
or even before freshman year, it was suuuper tough to decide which college to apply to, which college to attend, which major to declare, and what career to work towards.
now, it's when to graduate, what to do with my major, is grad school in the picture, and the possibilities never end.
most people in the world kill for possibilities and opportunities. but it's always different when you are given it and haven't experienced no open doors.
aside from school, there are other things on my mind: ministry, friendships, family, etc
sometimes things can get so overwhelming.
and for me, processing is a loooong process. i cannot do it by myself. oh how i wish so hard i could. but i always need to talk it through with someone.
but there are times when i just don't feel like it. it's frustrating. so frustrating when there are no words.
no words.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
the inevitable
ahhhh school is finally starting this week! i feel like it's been forever. which is a good and bad thing. good because i've had a lot of rest. bad because it's going to be hard getting back into school mode [studying to be more exact]. :Op
i'm ready though for the new challenges, new people, and new fun :O]
this past week was killer. killer busy. epic planning retreat was intense but so blessed. God really showed us who was boss. i'm so excited to be working with the new staff. i will miss mel a lot at the same time!
after the retreat, stayed over with the bestie and went with her to get my very FIRST disneyland pass!! :O) i afforded it with the money i was saving for our future ireland trip but i can't raise enough so i just decided to be real and use it for a disneyland pass since so many people keep inviting/urging me to go with them. we were at disneyland for 15.5 hours. it was fun. yet i was absolutely EXHAUSTED from the retreat and then walking around disneyland all day [not to mention lack of sleep from the whole week].
anywho, i have a lot to process from my church retreat and now the planning retreat. all very good stuff. we are so blessed to be working under our loving Lord.
today is when i will return to riverside permanently. aside from how serious it sounds, i'm coming back next week so it's not like i have to say farewell forever!
2 verses that really spoke to me at the planning retreat:
"You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance." Psalm 32:7
"And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord." Isaiah 11:2
I also was shown this passage too from one of the staff that was of great use! 1 Corinthians 13:1-7
i'm ready though for the new challenges, new people, and new fun :O]
this past week was killer. killer busy. epic planning retreat was intense but so blessed. God really showed us who was boss. i'm so excited to be working with the new staff. i will miss mel a lot at the same time!
after the retreat, stayed over with the bestie and went with her to get my very FIRST disneyland pass!! :O) i afforded it with the money i was saving for our future ireland trip but i can't raise enough so i just decided to be real and use it for a disneyland pass since so many people keep inviting/urging me to go with them. we were at disneyland for 15.5 hours. it was fun. yet i was absolutely EXHAUSTED from the retreat and then walking around disneyland all day [not to mention lack of sleep from the whole week].
anywho, i have a lot to process from my church retreat and now the planning retreat. all very good stuff. we are so blessed to be working under our loving Lord.
today is when i will return to riverside permanently. aside from how serious it sounds, i'm coming back next week so it's not like i have to say farewell forever!
2 verses that really spoke to me at the planning retreat:
"You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance." Psalm 32:7
"And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord." Isaiah 11:2
I also was shown this passage too from one of the staff that was of great use! 1 Corinthians 13:1-7
Monday, September 13, 2010
tickets to the gun show
moving moving moving
packing unpacking packing!!
i've been doing so much of that lately with the house being remodeled and finished and school starting so i moved into my new apartment.
i feel like i must've gained some muscle after lifting so many heavy boxes and whatnot :Op
praise God for providing the apartment and a place to stay!!
now, time for retreats and conferences...starting tomorrow! Epic pre-planning retreat. :O)
packing unpacking packing!!
i've been doing so much of that lately with the house being remodeled and finished and school starting so i moved into my new apartment.
i feel like i must've gained some muscle after lifting so many heavy boxes and whatnot :Op
praise God for providing the apartment and a place to stay!!
now, time for retreats and conferences...starting tomorrow! Epic pre-planning retreat. :O)
Thursday, September 9, 2010
NOOOOOO GO AWAY!!!! SCHOOL, STAY AWAY FROM ME!!
it's come. the time for summer reflection finally.
i realized this coming sunday will be my last sunday before i head back to school. i'm going to miss my church homies!!
i feel as if this is now the calm before the storm. starting tomorrow, it will get chaotic: carpet being put in, furniture needing to be moved&organized, hang out with the bestie, food fellowship, move into apartment, and then epic planning retreat. ai yai yai so much!!
i knew it would all hit me like a huge wave that splashes and encases your whole body.
Lord please grant me the strength to endure the busyness which i am not used to after being relaxed this whole summer.
some highlights that comes to mind of this summer:
-creating this blog that has helped me express myself better and reflect upon my King's goodness
-driving a lotssss :O]
-getting shaved mango ice/snow every other day or sometimes everyday
-catching up with highschool friends
-the college/young adult church retreat
-having friends from UCR visit my church <3 worlds colliding!!
-shopping&buying new clothes [oh dear, i am now a shopaholic]
-of course hang outs with diff AACF people at diff times
-getting to text friends that recently got text or unlimited text finally!!!!
-reading almost all of my books that i bought from Urbana
-receiving gifts from those who went on mission trips which proved to me that they thought of me when they were gone :O]
-getting an extension to my curfew when i'm at home :Op
-eating home-cooked meals all the time, and when dad got a new grill, we ate a LOT of bbq, ribs, steak, etc
and there were many other moments but those are the gist.
i am anticipating my 4th year at UCR. yes, i am in disbelief that it has come so suddenly. i am going to cherish the time i have! i have many ambitions for school, epic, and life in general.
may God be praised through my life!!
i realized this coming sunday will be my last sunday before i head back to school. i'm going to miss my church homies!!
i feel as if this is now the calm before the storm. starting tomorrow, it will get chaotic: carpet being put in, furniture needing to be moved&organized, hang out with the bestie, food fellowship, move into apartment, and then epic planning retreat. ai yai yai so much!!
i knew it would all hit me like a huge wave that splashes and encases your whole body.
Lord please grant me the strength to endure the busyness which i am not used to after being relaxed this whole summer.
some highlights that comes to mind of this summer:
-creating this blog that has helped me express myself better and reflect upon my King's goodness
-driving a lotssss :O]
-getting shaved mango ice/snow every other day or sometimes everyday
-catching up with highschool friends
-the college/young adult church retreat
-having friends from UCR visit my church <3 worlds colliding!!
-shopping&buying new clothes [oh dear, i am now a shopaholic]
-of course hang outs with diff AACF people at diff times
-getting to text friends that recently got text or unlimited text finally!!!!
-reading almost all of my books that i bought from Urbana
-receiving gifts from those who went on mission trips which proved to me that they thought of me when they were gone :O]
-getting an extension to my curfew when i'm at home :Op
-eating home-cooked meals all the time, and when dad got a new grill, we ate a LOT of bbq, ribs, steak, etc
and there were many other moments but those are the gist.
i am anticipating my 4th year at UCR. yes, i am in disbelief that it has come so suddenly. i am going to cherish the time i have! i have many ambitions for school, epic, and life in general.
may God be praised through my life!!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
excellent weather
today's forecast was cloudy and felt ever so refreshing!!
it was a perfect day to wash my car too :O)
God is so nice too cause he kept the sun back until i finished washing my car!
i can't believe it stayed cloudy from morning all the way until 4:50pm!!
the weather was also SO nice that i really wanted to be outside. i decided to make it a productive time and take peter pepp for a walk :O)
oh the fun pictures i took. mwahah. it's on facebook.
thank you Lord for a change in weather and the rejuvenation it brought!
prayer requests:
-i'm finding ants EVERYWHERE. in my bathroom, in my room, and in the hall!! i can't escape them >:Op
-my apartment situation is kinda worrying me. i hate uncertainty&complication of housing. sucks so much. have had to go through it EVERY year. the nice thing is, it always works out for the best but just the time in between is rough.
it was a perfect day to wash my car too :O)
God is so nice too cause he kept the sun back until i finished washing my car!
i can't believe it stayed cloudy from morning all the way until 4:50pm!!
the weather was also SO nice that i really wanted to be outside. i decided to make it a productive time and take peter pepp for a walk :O)
oh the fun pictures i took. mwahah. it's on facebook.
thank you Lord for a change in weather and the rejuvenation it brought!
prayer requests:
-i'm finding ants EVERYWHERE. in my bathroom, in my room, and in the hall!! i can't escape them >:Op
-my apartment situation is kinda worrying me. i hate uncertainty&complication of housing. sucks so much. have had to go through it EVERY year. the nice thing is, it always works out for the best but just the time in between is rough.
Monday, September 6, 2010
sweetly unexpected
phew....how to begin?
the College&Young adult retreat was amazingly blessed.
quite an unexpecting labor day weekend awaited me as i stepped into the following:
-drove to my best friend's house for the first time ever FINALLY! :O)
-bought 2 dresses for great prices [one informal and one formal]
-discovered i am turning into a shop-a-holic :Op
-once we entered granada hills, the weather was triple digits. it was hotter than riverside!!!!
-played with a polar bear dog
-had awesome small group bonding&sharing
-was blessed and encouraged by many prayers
-taught for the first time at a college retreat
-played speed uno <3
-learned&still learning to face my hurts and allow[ing] the Holy Spirit to heal them
-experienced cleansing spiritually and physically
-learned a new song that has beautiful lyrics by Hillsong called A Beautiful Exchange
-shared many deep conversations...some with people i've never had the opportunity to do so
-shared many laughs :O]
-united with the group with our intentions of wanting and ready to act for change
The Lord was very gracious in how he worked in my life this weekend. I am really glad i went to the retreat and experienced His overwhelming love once again in my life. He surely is bridging the gap across the barriers.
love you God <3
the College&Young adult retreat was amazingly blessed.
quite an unexpecting labor day weekend awaited me as i stepped into the following:
-drove to my best friend's house for the first time ever FINALLY! :O)
-bought 2 dresses for great prices [one informal and one formal]
-discovered i am turning into a shop-a-holic :Op
-once we entered granada hills, the weather was triple digits. it was hotter than riverside!!!!
-played with a polar bear dog
-had awesome small group bonding&sharing
-was blessed and encouraged by many prayers
-taught for the first time at a college retreat
-played speed uno <3
-learned&still learning to face my hurts and allow[ing] the Holy Spirit to heal them
-experienced cleansing spiritually and physically
-learned a new song that has beautiful lyrics by Hillsong called A Beautiful Exchange
-shared many deep conversations...some with people i've never had the opportunity to do so
-shared many laughs :O]
-united with the group with our intentions of wanting and ready to act for change
The Lord was very gracious in how he worked in my life this weekend. I am really glad i went to the retreat and experienced His overwhelming love once again in my life. He surely is bridging the gap across the barriers.
love you God <3
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
He is in everything.
Amidst the chaos
Among the fun
Amidst the busyness
Among the enjoyment,
God is always nearby.
Amidst the stress
Among the success
Amidst the worry
Among the laughs,
God is right there.
Amidst the tears
Among the smiles
Amidst the insecurities
Among the dreaming,
God is holding you close.
Amidst the conflict
Among the forgiveness
Amidst the rage
Among the peace,
God is always there.
Just a resounding revelation that continues to reveal itself to me of Christ's goodness and grace.
"I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore i will call on him as long as I live."
Psalm 116:1-2
Among the fun
Amidst the busyness
Among the enjoyment,
God is always nearby.
Amidst the stress
Among the success
Amidst the worry
Among the laughs,
God is right there.
Amidst the tears
Among the smiles
Amidst the insecurities
Among the dreaming,
God is holding you close.
Amidst the conflict
Among the forgiveness
Amidst the rage
Among the peace,
God is always there.
Just a resounding revelation that continues to reveal itself to me of Christ's goodness and grace.
"I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore i will call on him as long as I live."
Psalm 116:1-2
Friday, August 27, 2010
USC visit
Today was AWESOME fun because i FINALLY got to visit USC campus and friends <333
a big thanks to stanley for driving!!
some top highlights of the day:
-seeing all the different kinds of pretty bikes [a lot of students bike at USC and it's cause parking sucks]
-experiencing breezy/sunny/beach weather
-receiving a free hot dog for lunch [and later annie&stacie cooked for us so we only ended up spending money on shaved ice at night] at kcm bbq
-touring usc and exploring the huge levee [sp?] library which was GORGEOUS and expansive!!
-playing in one of the fountains and high-fiving the statue :OD with stanley
-angie giving me a ride on her beach cruiser
-playing scattergories [never gets old to me]
-reunited with friends [priscilla visited too :O) ]
-finally getting to visit USC's AACF
-seeing phylicia and angie lead :OD
-finally getting to see USC's Epic people on their campus [saw courtney, warren, vince, gabe, matt, and jessica] briefly
-sneaking onto the roof of one of the buildings on campus and getting an INCREDIBLE view of LA
-eating YUM korean shaved ice [shaved ice never gets old]
-seeing usc's school pride everywhere. even the elevators in apartments are painted with usc's colors :Op
-meeting new people
i could go on and on but overall, i thoroughly enjoyed my very first visit to USC campus :OD thanks to all the tour guides and drivers and cooks!!
<3
a big thanks to stanley for driving!!
some top highlights of the day:
-seeing all the different kinds of pretty bikes [a lot of students bike at USC and it's cause parking sucks]
-experiencing breezy/sunny/beach weather
-receiving a free hot dog for lunch [and later annie&stacie cooked for us so we only ended up spending money on shaved ice at night] at kcm bbq
-touring usc and exploring the huge levee [sp?] library which was GORGEOUS and expansive!!
-playing in one of the fountains and high-fiving the statue :OD with stanley
-angie giving me a ride on her beach cruiser
-playing scattergories [never gets old to me]
-reunited with friends [priscilla visited too :O) ]
-finally getting to visit USC's AACF
-seeing phylicia and angie lead :OD
-finally getting to see USC's Epic people on their campus [saw courtney, warren, vince, gabe, matt, and jessica] briefly
-sneaking onto the roof of one of the buildings on campus and getting an INCREDIBLE view of LA
-eating YUM korean shaved ice [shaved ice never gets old]
-seeing usc's school pride everywhere. even the elevators in apartments are painted with usc's colors :Op
-meeting new people
i could go on and on but overall, i thoroughly enjoyed my very first visit to USC campus :OD thanks to all the tour guides and drivers and cooks!!
<3
Thursday, August 26, 2010
sisters in Christ
ah, another awesome day of fellowship!!
i am so thankful for my sisters in Christ.
i got to spend most of the day with genevieve before she goes back to Canada. it was fun eating yummy taiwanese food with her, trying new mango shaved ice, and shopping and exploring Arcadia/Temple City/Rosemead/San Gabriel with her!
then i got to chat on the phone with my very dear friend far away in Missouri. oh how distance hurts. but God is gracious and allows communication such as phone calls!! it was a very encouraging phone call. always fun to share with God has done in my life. helps me reflect back on his goodness and how he had it taken care of all along&how i should be looking to that for the future!
lastly, reina and i briefly spoke on the phone but i am always encouraged talking to her and love listening to her stories :O)
fellowship is such a cherished gift!! just gotta make sure i don't cherish it TOO much over other things :Op
i praise you Lord for blessing me with sisters in Christ!
i am so thankful for my sisters in Christ.
i got to spend most of the day with genevieve before she goes back to Canada. it was fun eating yummy taiwanese food with her, trying new mango shaved ice, and shopping and exploring Arcadia/Temple City/Rosemead/San Gabriel with her!
then i got to chat on the phone with my very dear friend far away in Missouri. oh how distance hurts. but God is gracious and allows communication such as phone calls!! it was a very encouraging phone call. always fun to share with God has done in my life. helps me reflect back on his goodness and how he had it taken care of all along&how i should be looking to that for the future!
lastly, reina and i briefly spoke on the phone but i am always encouraged talking to her and love listening to her stories :O)
fellowship is such a cherished gift!! just gotta make sure i don't cherish it TOO much over other things :Op
i praise you Lord for blessing me with sisters in Christ!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
running the race
so you know how God is at the end of the race [of life]?
i also view him as one of those helpers who are on the side during the long marathons that give out water to the racers.
God is like that too and doesn't leave us alone when we're starting to get "dehydrated" and "weary." He always offers help and refreshment.
i appreciate that sooo much :O]
God is the ultimate provider!
i also view him as one of those helpers who are on the side during the long marathons that give out water to the racers.
God is like that too and doesn't leave us alone when we're starting to get "dehydrated" and "weary." He always offers help and refreshment.
i appreciate that sooo much :O]
God is the ultimate provider!
Friday, August 20, 2010
soothing music
i know i've said this before but i just ADORE driving on the freeway AT NIGHT with CLASSICAL music BLASTING. it's so soothing to me and it's awesome to just sit before God like that. no talking, no thoughts; just music and silence.
silence is golden but to me, i also find silence with classical music golden as well.
oh and once you get off the freeway, it's also nice to roll down the windows and feel the breeze while listening to calming music and seeing the glow of the traffic lights.
that's one of the ways i like to end my nights. :O]
silence is golden but to me, i also find silence with classical music golden as well.
oh and once you get off the freeway, it's also nice to roll down the windows and feel the breeze while listening to calming music and seeing the glow of the traffic lights.
that's one of the ways i like to end my nights. :O]
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
overkill on mango shaved ice and snow
so for the past 2 weeks, i've been having shaved snow and ice at different places but quite frequently. i've also been going with different people [hence why it's been frequent].
i feel i might die from the sugar overdose. ahah. it's sooo delicious though. mango is such a GREAT flavor. and it is my favorite fruit!!
i think i prefer shaved SNOW over ICE. just because the texture is so fascinating, smooth, creamy but not weak like ice cream, and icy still ;O)
a big thumbs up to these following dessert places:
Class 302, PaPa Walk, and Phoenix.
i wonder how asians come up with these random and odd names for the restaurants.
even though i've been going like every other day [or in some cases, every day], i don't think i will get sick of it.
i am worried that i will have withdrawals [or as patricia put it, shaved-withdrawals] once i go back to school and there are NO asian places there that serve shaved anything :O(
anywho, if you have never tried shaved ice or shaved snow, you GOT TO. it's soooo good and worth trying!!!
THANK YOU LORD for my taste-buds and provision of funds&transportation&ice&good company.
i feel i might die from the sugar overdose. ahah. it's sooo delicious though. mango is such a GREAT flavor. and it is my favorite fruit!!
i think i prefer shaved SNOW over ICE. just because the texture is so fascinating, smooth, creamy but not weak like ice cream, and icy still ;O)
a big thumbs up to these following dessert places:
Class 302, PaPa Walk, and Phoenix.
i wonder how asians come up with these random and odd names for the restaurants.
even though i've been going like every other day [or in some cases, every day], i don't think i will get sick of it.
i am worried that i will have withdrawals [or as patricia put it, shaved-withdrawals] once i go back to school and there are NO asian places there that serve shaved anything :O(
anywho, if you have never tried shaved ice or shaved snow, you GOT TO. it's soooo good and worth trying!!!
THANK YOU LORD for my taste-buds and provision of funds&transportation&ice&good company.
Monday, August 16, 2010
fear of crickets
I DID IT!! i conquered my fear of killing a cricket momentarily and SMASHED that sucker!!
my older brother came walking past my room and commented that there was a cricket near my parent's room.
he always likes to do that in a teasing voice cause he knows i HATE bugs and cannot rest if they are near my room [or ESPECIALLY in my room. they never survive there. never.] or in the house.
and of course he NEVER kills them either; purposely to irritate me&find joy in my anguish.
well, i usually yell for my mom first because she's more willing to kill bugs for me. while my dad will always say "just leave it alone" or if i bug him too much, he'll finally attempt to kill it but uses a rubber-band and 90% of the time misses which allows an escape for the bug because it runs away and we cannot find it. so i dislike asking my dad. well, my mom was busy at the moment so i had to take matters into my own hands. i was NOT going to let that cricket get away. it was BIG too.
so i grabbed two books. one was a big one to block myself incase the cricket jumped at me. another was to use to smash it dead. i was absolutely terrified as i stared at the cricket with it's long antlers moving and the hugeness of it's size. i did not want to be near it but my desire for its domination was stronger. i continued to stare at it for 5 minutes and my brother walked past me several times. i heard him tell my mom to help me kill it to which she exclaimed "whaaat??" because she didn't know i was waiting for her to kill it. which i wasn't. my brother misinterpreted my body language. i was getting ready to kill it myself. i had to first block out all the thoughts that were causing my fear to grow. for instance, it was starting to move and i did not want it to get away so i knew i had to act soon, and REAL soon. well i couldn't take the pressure anymore of knowing it could get away, my parents were starting to get annoyed and making exasperated sighs while my brother was describing the situation to them, and i wanted to prove i could be bold.
so i...took the book and SLAMMED it against the wall real hard and then bounced back and hit my hand on something nearby. hitting my hand was my fault because i was so scared i used as much force as i had and didn't care to control what happened to my hand after i hit the cricket.
the results: a dead cricket [with it's body on the floor and guts on the wall], a red scratch on my hand, and surprisingly no guts on the book. of course no one was going to clean it either so i had to do THAT too. but i just slipped two kitchen gloves on and picked up the body while squealing out of disgust. i HATE when i can feel the body. bleck!!!
nevertheless, the cricket was dead. Thanks be to God for giving me this challenge and courage to meet the challenge :O)
i told myself, through Him i can do all things!!
another thought, i realized pressure gets me to move.
i don't work well under pressure, but i do work.
yay for a cricket-less house!!!
my older brother came walking past my room and commented that there was a cricket near my parent's room.
he always likes to do that in a teasing voice cause he knows i HATE bugs and cannot rest if they are near my room [or ESPECIALLY in my room. they never survive there. never.] or in the house.
and of course he NEVER kills them either; purposely to irritate me&find joy in my anguish.
well, i usually yell for my mom first because she's more willing to kill bugs for me. while my dad will always say "just leave it alone" or if i bug him too much, he'll finally attempt to kill it but uses a rubber-band and 90% of the time misses which allows an escape for the bug because it runs away and we cannot find it. so i dislike asking my dad. well, my mom was busy at the moment so i had to take matters into my own hands. i was NOT going to let that cricket get away. it was BIG too.
so i grabbed two books. one was a big one to block myself incase the cricket jumped at me. another was to use to smash it dead. i was absolutely terrified as i stared at the cricket with it's long antlers moving and the hugeness of it's size. i did not want to be near it but my desire for its domination was stronger. i continued to stare at it for 5 minutes and my brother walked past me several times. i heard him tell my mom to help me kill it to which she exclaimed "whaaat??" because she didn't know i was waiting for her to kill it. which i wasn't. my brother misinterpreted my body language. i was getting ready to kill it myself. i had to first block out all the thoughts that were causing my fear to grow. for instance, it was starting to move and i did not want it to get away so i knew i had to act soon, and REAL soon. well i couldn't take the pressure anymore of knowing it could get away, my parents were starting to get annoyed and making exasperated sighs while my brother was describing the situation to them, and i wanted to prove i could be bold.
so i...took the book and SLAMMED it against the wall real hard and then bounced back and hit my hand on something nearby. hitting my hand was my fault because i was so scared i used as much force as i had and didn't care to control what happened to my hand after i hit the cricket.
the results: a dead cricket [with it's body on the floor and guts on the wall], a red scratch on my hand, and surprisingly no guts on the book. of course no one was going to clean it either so i had to do THAT too. but i just slipped two kitchen gloves on and picked up the body while squealing out of disgust. i HATE when i can feel the body. bleck!!!
nevertheless, the cricket was dead. Thanks be to God for giving me this challenge and courage to meet the challenge :O)
i told myself, through Him i can do all things!!
another thought, i realized pressure gets me to move.
i don't work well under pressure, but i do work.
yay for a cricket-less house!!!
the blessing of networking
today was a very fun small AACF UCR and USC hang out!!
there were 5 R'side people and 8 USC people [although one of the USC people originated from R'side so it's more 5.5 and 7.5]
some of us went to get shaved ice at PaPa Walk and then hung out at Tap Ex and played Scattergories!! :OD
This all took place in San Gabriel but we all come from different cities! CRazyness!
It's crazy to think how we all met each other through the joint AACF event, church, or mutual friends. And how did all of this happen? through unity in Christ!! We all share the same goal in common and have many other things in common. It's fun to think of how God brings different campuses together through his unwavering love and goodness.
thank you Lord for the blessing of networking! :O]
there were 5 R'side people and 8 USC people [although one of the USC people originated from R'side so it's more 5.5 and 7.5]
some of us went to get shaved ice at PaPa Walk and then hung out at Tap Ex and played Scattergories!! :OD
This all took place in San Gabriel but we all come from different cities! CRazyness!
It's crazy to think how we all met each other through the joint AACF event, church, or mutual friends. And how did all of this happen? through unity in Christ!! We all share the same goal in common and have many other things in common. It's fun to think of how God brings different campuses together through his unwavering love and goodness.
thank you Lord for the blessing of networking! :O]
Saturday, August 14, 2010
popular
gahh it's getting annoying. 2 more people called me that again today.
being popular is like having movie star status where a LOT of people around the world know you.
i am not popular. i just thrive on people. i would be the first one to admit to you i do not have movie star status where everyone knows me.
it just so happens in the asian circle, networking is very easy and i have taken advantage of that.
but i am NOT popular.
there are many misconceptions that come with such a title as well. on my birthday, everyone thought that everyone else was going to ask me to hang out or have lunch with them. well, when everyone thinks that, there is no one left to hang out with! so i ended up being very sad. but not lonely cause i made a date with God and it turned out to be an awesome time.
but really,
assumptions are annoying. but i make them too. so i just wanted to share with you how sometimes they can be hurtful.
that is all.
[p.s. if you've called me popular in the past, don't think i hate you. i'm just warning you to please not say it in the future.]
being popular is like having movie star status where a LOT of people around the world know you.
i am not popular. i just thrive on people. i would be the first one to admit to you i do not have movie star status where everyone knows me.
it just so happens in the asian circle, networking is very easy and i have taken advantage of that.
but i am NOT popular.
there are many misconceptions that come with such a title as well. on my birthday, everyone thought that everyone else was going to ask me to hang out or have lunch with them. well, when everyone thinks that, there is no one left to hang out with! so i ended up being very sad. but not lonely cause i made a date with God and it turned out to be an awesome time.
but really,
assumptions are annoying. but i make them too. so i just wanted to share with you how sometimes they can be hurtful.
that is all.
[p.s. if you've called me popular in the past, don't think i hate you. i'm just warning you to please not say it in the future.]
Friday, August 13, 2010
it's in God's hands
funny how it's so easy to stress over things but then after submitting it to prayer and when the event passes, one looks back and realizes God had it taken care of way before it entered one's mind. God's got it covered and with him behind your back, you've got absolutely NOTHING to worry about. :O)
and yet, we still worry. or at least i do. maybe it's just human nature [cause it comes so swift and naturally]. but i'm working on giving up my stress. or maybe i'm just mistaking my nervousness for worry. cause sometimes i really do let go but during the situation, i still get a little shaky and sweaty. strange.
switching subjects again, i'm excited for Epic to start this coming year. God always teaches me sooooo many things through Epic. He teaches me through leadership, through students, through planning, through evangelizing, and through inter-fellowship times :O]
I am even more excited that i am going to have my car FINALLY this year!! i am still super UBER thankful for my car. it truly is a BLESSING and i feel like i am living a dream [i never imagined i'd have a car, let alone be able to drive]. even in the summer it is extremely handy for meeting up with people and having hang outs. before, i'd always be stuck at home with no ride and nothing to do and i would ALWAYS miss out on events. sometimes i still have nothing to do but at least now i have a car! :O) thank you Lord!!
lastly, i miss taking pictures. i think it would be interesting to have a DSLR camera now. before, i didn't want one because it's so big, heavy, and hassle to carry around [can't fit in my purse!!]. but after seeing the quality of pictures it captures, it's AMAZING!! but i'm still happy with my small-convenient sized camera. i won't get it back until the end of August. for now, my phone will have to do :O]
and yet, we still worry. or at least i do. maybe it's just human nature [cause it comes so swift and naturally]. but i'm working on giving up my stress. or maybe i'm just mistaking my nervousness for worry. cause sometimes i really do let go but during the situation, i still get a little shaky and sweaty. strange.
switching subjects again, i'm excited for Epic to start this coming year. God always teaches me sooooo many things through Epic. He teaches me through leadership, through students, through planning, through evangelizing, and through inter-fellowship times :O]
I am even more excited that i am going to have my car FINALLY this year!! i am still super UBER thankful for my car. it truly is a BLESSING and i feel like i am living a dream [i never imagined i'd have a car, let alone be able to drive]. even in the summer it is extremely handy for meeting up with people and having hang outs. before, i'd always be stuck at home with no ride and nothing to do and i would ALWAYS miss out on events. sometimes i still have nothing to do but at least now i have a car! :O) thank you Lord!!
lastly, i miss taking pictures. i think it would be interesting to have a DSLR camera now. before, i didn't want one because it's so big, heavy, and hassle to carry around [can't fit in my purse!!]. but after seeing the quality of pictures it captures, it's AMAZING!! but i'm still happy with my small-convenient sized camera. i won't get it back until the end of August. for now, my phone will have to do :O]
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Christ-centered
something that's been on my mind...
how can hang outs with friends [specifically fellow brothers and sisters] be more Christ-centered?
how can hang outs with friends [specifically fellow brothers and sisters] be more Christ-centered?
Friday, August 6, 2010
late night adventures
spontaneity.
what does that mean to you? to me, it is letting go of all doubts&worries that would hold one back from being adventurous and trying new things. it's having the freedom to be free and have FUN!
that's what i did tonight :O) i love having spontaneous trips. though it's probably better to have them in the summer when there is no school. i went to welcome back Amy and David from their mission trip with Party Animal and Katydid :O]
we went to LAX and went to the wrong terminal and had to run alll the way on the other side and then we found out amy and david had left but we called them and they stopped for us at the Sheraton hotel. so we still got to see them :OD ohh we've missed you guys<3
we didn't get to talk to them long though because they were tired and their moms were waiting for them.
so we parted ways and then the spontaneity began.
we went to Santa Monica.
but first, we picked up ice cream at McDonalds :O) mmmm their oreo mcflurry is sooo good!
we tried going to Diddy Reese but it was closed :O( and then we walked around Santa Monica beach and i haven't been there in awhile and it was so beautiful!!
the sand felt so nice when we walked near the shore. squishy squishy!! :O)
came back late at 3am. i broke my record for my curfew! wooo! but my parents knew i'd get back late. and they didn't specify what time to come back. thank goodness pepper did not bark when i came back [usually he does and i wouldn't want him to wake them].
before all the fun in LA, i didn't do much at home. i did play Rockband with Joshua for like 4 hours. ahah that was fun! i love playing the guitar part. and i got to dress my character and gave her this gorgeous colored purple hair :O)
i'm trying to regain my guitar calluses [real guitar, not rockband]. it hurts playing because my fingers aren't used to it. i'm working on my strumming too. strumming is hard :Op
finished another Urbana book!! The next one i'm reading is about asians in leadership. It's called Invitation to Lead.
i feel like my posts are progressing into longer posts because i'm sharing more random stuff. hm, might have to limit that. but glad i'm gaining more followers :O)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
jazz music in the moonlight
there's something extra soothing when i'm just sitting in my car driving on the freeway and listening to either jazz or classical music [loudly i might add] and it's just me in the car. it's such a lovely peace and a great time to talk to God, sit in silence, and ponder. it's one of my favorite things to do now.
and what adds to it is if there's a beautiful setting: like the moon very bright and houses lit up on the side, and today i saw a gorgeous and colorful sunset with clouds. God's nature is truly amazing. Scenery enhances the music experience. :O]
i feel like i have so much to blog about!
being done with school is SO LIBERATING! i loove it!
tabling is over as well, phew!
going to riverside always teaches me so much through my interactions with people.
I think God purposely opens my eyes to things i need to work on through this method because it's easier for me to understand and put into perspective.
funny how i used to visit irvine a lot but not i'm visiting riverside a lot! next, i'll be visiting...who can guess? :O)
anywho time to sleep.
SO excited to start summer plans now!!
for those who are reading this: go listen to jazz music or classical on high volume when you're driving. try it. :O]
Thursday, July 29, 2010
i wore a dress to commemorate this day
WOOOOO!! I FINISHED FINALS FOR SUMMER SCHOOL!!
no more 8 hour days on campus, no more night class, no more crude professors, no more long periods of sitting, no more freezing air conditioned rooms, no more studying, and NOW MORE FUN AND PLAYING AND OTHER FOCUSES!! :OD
i am so overjoyed right now. freedom. mmmmmm.
so first off, i'd like to give praise to God for helping me remember this one point in one of my short answer questions for poly sci i could not remember for the life of me and it was like clawing at my mind and i kept praying and at the near end, the Lord was gracious and helped me remember the point!! *breathes out* thank you God!!!
if you're curious, the point was voting registration requirements are burdensome.
man, celebrating with parents is no fun at all.
i came back and shouted YEAH BABY I'M DONE and my dad is like what?? you finished so early [i came back at 7:30 and usually return at 9pm] and i had to explain how i finished my final early and then as i continued to exclaim to myself and Pepper that i'm done, my dad went on to say yeah well you don't know how you did yet [always so negative!!].
and then when my mom got back shortly after, she heard me saying i was done and then asked if i wanted to cook. to that, i said YEAH RIGHT and she got all offended and jokingly started telling pepper to bite me.
why on earth would i feel like cooking when #1-i hate cooking, #2-i just came back from taking a final&writing 4 short essays, #3-and i'm starved and tired!!
yeah yeah, i know i should've been nicer. but oh my goodness, really??
they are such debbie downers.
oh well, it's not enough to bring me to a pessimist mood.
anywho YAY!! done!! freedom! :OD ^_^
p.s. there were some good things about summer school but i shall share those another time.
LATERZZZZ
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Windy Breezes
This past weekend was fun. I always enjoy visiting Riverside because i get to see good friends. :O]
I decided i'm going to refrain from posting pictures in my blog. If i post pictures, i will get addicted to blogging just like i am addicted to Facebook. Therefore, no pictures.
Speaking of pictures...no one has noticed that i do not have my camera. not even ONE person. I have not taken it out at all in all of my hang outs. It's cause i do not currently have it. I lent it. I miss taking pictures but i think it's been good for me to focus on the hang outs and fun events instead of worrying about getting pictures before the moments pass. and i don't get more tempted to go on facebook to post them. Still though...interesting how no one has noticed. especially since i always get crap for being a paparazzi and posting pictures on facebook.
Today marks the LAST WEEK of summer school!! I finish this Thursday. I am totally STOKED! I can finally enjoy REAL summer break. What are my plans? Oh i have a few things lined up that i want to do but we'll see how it goes.
Today was very nice weather. It was cool enough for me to sit in my car during break. i LOVE and fully appreciate windy breezes!! And i'd much rather sleep/sit in my car then in the cafeteria where other people could see me and the library where it's too cold and too quiet (not to mention i'm not supposed to eat in there but i still do sometimes hah].
this is a new song they've been playing on the christian radio station 89.7 and it's my new favorite song. i love the lyrics! and the song is just beautiful [the music and tune and everything].
It's called Starry Night by Chris August
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ee1-qHCmDUQ
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
it's about Him...not me
class got cancelled today!! well...my first class at least. i still have to go to my poly sci class in 30 min.
anywho i had more time to myself since class was not in session.
i caught up in reading everyone's mission updates. it's so amazing to see what God's doing and how he's moving in everyone's lives. Crazy how good he is at multitasking like that :O)
i must admit i am quite disappointed and jealous that i was not able to take part in these amazing happenings around the world.
and then it hit me...
all of these events are happening because of God. NOT because of us humans.
These servants have dedicated their summer to follow God and to reach out to lives they are being directed towards. It may seem like some of the things that are happening are because of their actions but really it's because of the Holy Spirit's working.
I realized my wanting to go on a mission trip was full of selfish reasons: wanting to travel, wanting to be with friends, wanting to be used so I could get the glory.
yet, that's not what mission trips are about.
they are about fulfilling the call that God has specifically placed in each of our hearts.
i guess this summer God wanted me at home.
for what reasons?
that i am still trying to figure out.
but i trust He has a plan for me. sometimes it just gets frustrating...but here's a good reminder:
"I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself." Psalm 89:2
p.s. disabling my facebook wall hasn't really helped. notifications are still tempting me. and i don't think it's possible to get rid of all notifications [i've already tried]. so i have a new idea brewing.
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