it's been awhile

those words seem to be echoed a lot recently. especially this quarter!! this year has been keeping me on my toes!!

a few weeks ago, i was going through something that i couldn't even understand. it was difficult, affecting my walk, and affecting how i related with others. i couldn't understand or process it no matter how hard i tried. and i didn't have much time to figure it out either. it seems i always get pushed to my limit and then i explode and everything comes out at once. it's almost as if that's what it takes for me to be real with people. and i'm sick of that.
it's something i've been working on. not putting on a facade and it's the hardest thing. and it's not even that much pride more than not knowing how to show when i'm not doing okay. i'm so used to having that expectation to always be that joyful person everyone perceives me as which i genuinely am but only 95% of the time. or maybe less than that because i'm becoming more exhausted.
i don't know.
anywho, hilary was texting verses to people and this one really spoke to me "...Spirit helps us in our weakness. We don't know what we ought to pray for but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26
Romans is such an awesome book! Paul has SO MUCH knowledge! i really wish i could be mentored by him or...er a female version of him :Op He knows so much about God's grace and love and he doesn't take it for granted! it would be awesome to have things put into perspective by him of my life.

anywho, despite the troubled times i always am blessed with fun times. I drove to my beloved city Irvine for the first time!! and i went twice in one day. once to get my parents and the second to attend a wedding reception. Irvine's so nice, the speed limits are fast, and there's so much to do and so many people to see! i think by the time this week is up, i will have gone to irvine 4 different times in 2 weeks. :O] went there earlier this week cause i didn't have class and then going again for a funeral.
going to irvine is always anticipated by me because i always have such a blessed time there. when ryan and i used to visit uci's epic, they would always greet us with the warmest&surprised&excited greetings, we would get to eat yummy food that you cant' get anywhere else [or at least not in r'side], and the weather would be breezy-er. i could continue on but those are the main reasons why i always liked irvine and wanted to go there.
getting to revisit irvine was a blessing again because i got to meet with some friends and i was able to process some stuff and receive encouragement. i love the people there!! <3333

Thanksgiving Break recap:
-had a pre-thanksgiving dinner with Loribean's family and that was super sweet of her parents to do that
-thanksgiving service in the morning at church, dinner at the cousin's in tustin, and black friday shopping
-good to see church friends faces that i haven't in awhile
-good to see family and relatives that i haven't seen in awhile but have been keeping in touch with

and more to come cause break isn't over!! :O]

some main things i am THANKFUL FOR:

~God's never-ending love and grace

~family, no matter how many problems i have with them :Op

~Epic: -my fellow co-leaders and staff
-our wonderful servant team that has been very patient with us&supportive&understanding&helpful!!
-all the lessons i learn and have grown because of

~AACF: -my lovely and beautiful roomies with golden hearts
-supportive friends who i can still identify with even when we're in different clubs
-the feeding i receive from the worship and messages

~LGBT ministry, it's starting to kick off finally :O)

~Church, i always find home when i come back even when i've been gone for awhile. i love reconnecting with my brothers and sisters in Christ!!

and i could drone on and on but those are the main ones. i'm probably forgetting stuff. anywho, Praise the Lord for His goodness!!