pthhh

sorry. it's another complaining post. i'm so unhappy right now. every year i don't get to go on a mission's trip, i feel so un-useful. and especially now that i'm out of ministry currently, i am feeling really useless.

i'm not sure what God is calling me to right now. there's a few things i can do like minister to the roomies but besides that, i want to be a part of something great! i want to be able to travel somewhere and meet new people in a different culture and express to them a love that only Jesus Christ could fill their lives with. i want to be able to put myself in danger for His kingdom.

right now...i'm in summer school and i totally do not feel like i am making an impact at all. school has been hard. i've been studying a LOT [at least i think it's a lot cause it's a lot more than i would ever or have ever done] and yet it seems like it hasn't really been paying off. it's so frustrating because i spend hours trying to memorize things but there's so much information that my memory cannot retain it all. i don't know how bio majors memorize all of the terms they need to. i could never.

i think i am just really frustrated right now because of school. *sigh*


Lord, please come down and give me peace. the peace that only you can fill me with. show me new ways to serve you. God, i feel so useless and lame. i need a purpose and to do something for you!! Lord, speak to my heart. show me how to listen to you and obey blindly. i love you.

pity party

there's nothing like a good 'ol pity party, huh?

it's never complete without insecurity attending.

and worst of all, satan loves watching and throwing in some spice of his own.


Lord, please keep me strong. Show me my strengths in you. Help me to overcome my weaknesses. Remind me of my identity in you and how you can work even through my failures. There are so many times where i feel unworthy and ashamed. Help me not to compare myself to others. To stay strong in who you are instead of who i am. Lord, i know you have made me for a purpose. I have had a few life defining moments and those were so sweet. They were greater than any fun experience i've ever had. Those moments were a gift from you to remind me that i am loved and that i need to show love. Please continue to break me and build me into the woman you want me to be. I will never stop being yours nor will i ever stop loving and pursuing you. Thank you for holding onto me tight and holding me close in my most vulnerable moments. You are the best daddy ever!! <3

All to Jesus I Surrender

that song...it grips my heart.

here are the lyrics:

1. All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
Refrain:
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

2. All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.
(Refrain)

3. All to Jesus I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly thine;
fill me with thy love and power;
truly know that thou art mine.
(Refrain)

4. All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.
(Refrain)

5. All to Jesus I surrender;
now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to his name!
(Refrain)



God, i lay my dreams and deepest desires at your feet. I'm ready to let go. I am ready to move on and stop groveling when i don't get what i want. I know i need to stop dwelling. I have experienced your goodness and i know you truly have the best in store for me. My heart thinks it knows what is best, especially when circumstances line up. Yet God has proved time and time again that He is in control and not me nor my actions. He uses our wrong choices or disobedience for His glory as well because He is that amazing. It is that type of amazing that i want in my life. I would rather God work through my successes instead of failures.

So here's to giving God my all!!



cheers to Christ!