fear of crickets

I DID IT!! i conquered my fear of killing a cricket momentarily and SMASHED that sucker!!

my older brother came walking past my room and commented that there was a cricket near my parent's room.
he always likes to do that in a teasing voice cause he knows i HATE bugs and cannot rest if they are near my room [or ESPECIALLY in my room. they never survive there. never.] or in the house.
and of course he NEVER kills them either; purposely to irritate me&find joy in my anguish.

well, i usually yell for my mom first because she's more willing to kill bugs for me. while my dad will always say "just leave it alone" or if i bug him too much, he'll finally attempt to kill it but uses a rubber-band and 90% of the time misses which allows an escape for the bug because it runs away and we cannot find it. so i dislike asking my dad. well, my mom was busy at the moment so i had to take matters into my own hands. i was NOT going to let that cricket get away. it was BIG too.

so i grabbed two books. one was a big one to block myself incase the cricket jumped at me. another was to use to smash it dead. i was absolutely terrified as i stared at the cricket with it's long antlers moving and the hugeness of it's size. i did not want to be near it but my desire for its domination was stronger. i continued to stare at it for 5 minutes and my brother walked past me several times. i heard him tell my mom to help me kill it to which she exclaimed "whaaat??" because she didn't know i was waiting for her to kill it. which i wasn't. my brother misinterpreted my body language. i was getting ready to kill it myself. i had to first block out all the thoughts that were causing my fear to grow. for instance, it was starting to move and i did not want it to get away so i knew i had to act soon, and REAL soon. well i couldn't take the pressure anymore of knowing it could get away, my parents were starting to get annoyed and making exasperated sighs while my brother was describing the situation to them, and i wanted to prove i could be bold.
so i...took the book and SLAMMED it against the wall real hard and then bounced back and hit my hand on something nearby. hitting my hand was my fault because i was so scared i used as much force as i had and didn't care to control what happened to my hand after i hit the cricket.

the results: a dead cricket [with it's body on the floor and guts on the wall], a red scratch on my hand, and surprisingly no guts on the book. of course no one was going to clean it either so i had to do THAT too. but i just slipped two kitchen gloves on and picked up the body while squealing out of disgust. i HATE when i can feel the body. bleck!!!

nevertheless, the cricket was dead. Thanks be to God for giving me this challenge and courage to meet the challenge :O)

i told myself, through Him i can do all things!!


another thought, i realized pressure gets me to move.


i don't work well under pressure, but i do work.


yay for a cricket-less house!!!